The Worst Lover In the World!
Congratulations German friends -- you've been voted the worst lovers in the world! A web site called OnePoll.com asked 15,000 women from 20 countries to rate nations on their bedroom skills and to give reasons for their answers. Germans were the worst in bed because they were considered "too smelly". English lovers came second because they were too lazy, while men from Sweden were branded "too quick" and came in third. Spanish men were voted the world's very best lovers followed by Brazilians and Italians. Other findings included tidbits like Dutch men were "too rough", Americans were "too dominating" and Greek men were too sloppy. Other countries who didn't fare well were Scotland (too loud), Russia (too hairy), Turkey (too sweaty) and Wales (too selfish). (Ananova)

Running Of the Bulls Jersey Style!
It wasn't exactly the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, but a 1,400-pound bull that escaped from a Patterson, New Jersey slaughterhouse did manage to drag police officers with a lasso down a street and then run 10 blocks before being captured and sedated. Chief John DeCando, spokesman for Paterson Police's animal control division, says the bull was being unloaded at ENA Meat Packing plant when it broke loose just before 8:30 a.m. Smart bull. Fortunately traffic was light during the bull run and no one was seriously injured. The brave bull was ultimately returned to the slaughterhouse and will probably be served as someone's dinner very soon. Beef! It's what's for dinner. If it doesn't run away. (The Record of Bergen County)

A Very Expensive Hot Dog!
Hope that was a good hot dog Antonio Judd of Worcester, Massachusetts! Mr. Judd pleaded guilty to flashing a pellet gun and then stealing a hot dog from another man sitting under a tree in Elm Park. That turned out to be one expensive hot dog as it will cost Judd 18 months of his life behind bars. If you're feeling that sentence may be a little stiff for a hot dog, you might like to know that Judd has already spent time in prison at least three times for offenses including assault and vandalism. (Telegram & Gazette)

If You're Hired To Remove a Roof -- Try To Get The Right House!
Nothing like coming home from vacation and finding your roof is suddenly missing. 76-year-old David Fisher from Breaker's West, Florida, was forced to return home early from a vacation after Bossler Roofing contacted him to say they mistakenly removed the roof from his home. The company was supposed to remove his neighbor's roof. So Mr. Fischer is demanding an entire new roof for free. Kind of seems fair under the circumstances. But Bossler Roofing is saying, "no way" and instead offered to finish the roof at a big discount so that Fischer would only have to pay his insurance deductible. But Fischer says he won't pay a penny and added, "My feeling is they just playing games they trying to take advantage because I'm an old person." He's considering a lawsuit against the company if the issue is not resolved soon. Are you kidding me? Seriously? You tore up the man's roof so you replace it. And you don't charge him one cent. And you apologize a million times for your bonehead mistake. What kind of jerk company is Bossler Roofing? (UPI)

Taxpayer Paid Porn!
According to a new report in the The Washington Times employee misconduct investigations involving government workers accessing pornography from their government computers grew sixfold last year inside the taxpayer-funded foundation that doles out billions of dollars of scientific research grants! That's the National Science Foundation (NSF) and the porn problem got so bad that the agency's inspector general forced the internal watchdog to cut back on its primary mission of investigating grant fraud and instead focus on catching internal porn surfers. So how bad was it? Well one senior executive spent at least 331 days last year looking at porn on his government computer and chatting online with nude or partially clad women without being detected. When finally caught, he retired. And in his incredibly lame defense, he said that he frequented the porn sites to provide a living to the poor overseas women who needed the money. Investigators put the cost to taxpayers of this one individual's porn surfing at as much as $58,000. (Washington Times)

Teen Cuts Off Abusive Father's Hands!
In Taiwan, a 17-year-old boy has been arrested for chopping off his father's hands -- an act the teen said was revenge for years of physical abuse. The boy cut through his father's wrists with a knife while he was asleep at the family's home. The 37-year-old father, a divorced ironsmith, was in stable condition after doctors reattached his severed hands. Police said the boy admitted to the deed and showed no remorse, complaining that since his mother left home 10 years ago, the father had frequently beat him. A juvenile court will decide whether to file charges. (The Apple Daily)

Street Vendor of the Year!
Life on the streets of New York City doesn't have to be all bad. Just ask Fernando and Yolanda Martinez who just took first place at the fifth annual Vendy Awards, which celebrate the best of the Big Apple's street food and vendors. The Martinez's sell tacos and quesadillas out of their cart in Brooklyn for about $6 bucks a dish. They say they're happy to know people love their food. About 700 hundred people attended the awards ceremony at the Queens Museum of Art. An Austrian food cart called Schnitzel and Things was named rookie of the year. (myway.com)

Here's Something You Don't Hear In Church Everyday
In Portland, Oregon, the Epworth United Methodist Church has strong roots in the community, dating back to 1935. But they've just been handed a huge break from tradition. More than two years ago, they hired Pastor David Weekley and church member George Azumano says, "We liked him from the beginning." But Reverend Weekley gave the congregation a surprise last month when he revealed a pretty big secret during his Sunday sermon. Turns out the good reverend was born a woman, but never quite felt female. In his early 20s he under-went surgery to become a man. He's kept this secret for 27 years out of fear that the church could try and strip his ordination. To his delight, support from the church has been overwhelming, and he hopes his experience will help others. However, his ordination could indeed be on the line as the United Methodist Church could pass legislation to ban transgender clergy in 2012. (KATU News)

George W Says No to Medal of Freedom for J.K. Rowling!
Just so you'll know, in America we have a thing called the "Presidential Medal of Freedom." It is our nation's highest civil award, and is given to individuals who have contributed to: 1) the security or national interests of the United States, 2) world peace, or 3) cultural or other significant public or private endeavors. The award is often given to non-Americans and a few years back, there were discussions about giving one to author J.K. Rowling, famous for the Harry Potter novels. However, in his new book, Speechless: Tales of a White House Survivor, former Bush speechwriter Matt Latimer says the Bush administration rejected the idea because her writing "encouraged witchcraft." Latimer also writes that when he suggested bestowing the honor upon Ted Kennedy, who had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor, fellow speechwriter Marc Thiessen objected because Kennedy "was a liberal." Bush's final three recipients of the Medal of Freedom were two supporters of his war in Iraq -- former British Prime Minister Tony Blair and former Australian Prime Minister John Howard -- and leading human rights violator and Bush foreign policy ally Alvaro Uribe. Other recipients included a whole lineup of figures heavily involved in the Iraq war, including Paul Bremer and George Tenet. Just FYI, when President Obama took office, he awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to 16 recipients, including Senator Kennedy and former Republican congressman Jack Kemp. (Think Progress)

Gooooooal at 109!
Anna Ferris was born Feb. 11, 1900, in New York City. That's right, she's 109-years-old. But she didn't let her age stop her from participating in the annual senior games this past weekend at Thomas Bull Memorial Park in Orange County, New York. Her grandson Joe Begendorf says, "She's doing this well because we try to keep her out of the wheelchair as much as possible." So what did she accomplish at this year's games? Well, she finished the 100-meter dash with support only from her walker, she used a metal bat to hit a softball 15 feet off a tee, she threw a football more than 9 feet and she even kicked a soccer ball and hit the back of the net! Joe says that was her proudest moment of the day and for all 109 years of splendor and life, she smiled with the excitement of a little girl. You go Anna. You're our hero of the day! (The Times Herald Record)

Please Don't Publish My Windfall!
In Daytona Beach, Florida, 26-year-old Joy Millings had a bad run-in with the law last year when she was stopped by an overly aggressive police officer. While she had her registration and proof of insurance in the glove compartment, her driver's license was in her purse in the trunk of the car. But Officer Justin Dunne refused to let her get it and gave her a ticket for not having a driver's license. When she asked to speak to a supervisor he arrested her and she spent the night in jail. Well she sued the city and won a $50,000 settlement. But her troubles were far from over. The day after the Daytona Beach News-Journal published an article about her settlement, her home was burglarized and ransacked! Three days after that someone in another vehicle fired shots at her as she was driving down International Speedway Boulevard. The burglary and shooting are under investigation. (News Journal)

Oops!
In St. Petersburg, Florida, someone called 911 to report there was a man bleeding from the face near the fire station. Two firefighters piled into Rescue 5 to go help him. They opened the garage bay door, turned on the emergency lights and pulled forward. Then they heard a thump. It would have been nice if someone would have told him the guy was right in front of the fire station garage door!! St. Petersburg Fire Rescue Lt. Joel Granata said they never even saw him. They guy they ran over was 41-year-old Ted Allen Lenox who is homeless. He suffered life-threatening injuries and was rushed to the hospital. Alcohol was a factor and Lenox was lying outside the garage bays at the time of the accident. The firefighters involved in the accident remain on duty. (St. Petersburg Times)

About Time!
Not sure what took so long but candy cigarettes are no more. The Food and Drug Administration has officially banned candy and fruit flavored cigarettes as part of a campaign to reduce smoking. It finally occurred to them that the products could entice children into the smoking habit. FDA Commissioner Dr. Margaret A. Hamburg said, "Almost 90 percent of adult smokers start smoking as teenagers. These flavored cigarettes are a gateway for many children and young adults to become regular smokers." The agency also is considering regulation of flavored tobacco products other than cigarettes as well as menthol cigarettes. Interesting to note that the ban on cigarette TV advertising was put into effect in 1971 -- but it took them 38 years later to figure out the candy cigarette thing. (AHN News)

Spider on the Pope!
President Barack Obama had his fly. Now Pope Benedict XVI has his spider. As the pope addressed politicians and diplomats in Prague on Saturday afternoon, a large spider appeared on his white robe. The pope didn't seem to notice at first but journalists following the speech on a large screen flinched as the spider inched toward Benedict's neck. When it finally reached his ear, the pontiff gave it a swat. But it then reappeared on the pope's left shoulder and scampered down his robe. Back in June, Obama famously swatted and killed a fly that landed on him during an interview for CNBC at the White House. Of course our insane friends at PETA frowned on the fly killing. Something you didn't know about spiders: There are so many of them on the planet, statistically you are never more than six feet away from one of them. True! (myway.com)

Big Fat Baby!
There's a new record for biggest new born! Hold on to your cervix ladies -- 19.2 pounds! The giant infant was born by cesarean section in Kisaran, Indonesia. The mother, who is diabetic, named her new giant baby boy Akbar Risuddin. The father, Muhammad Hasanuddin said, "I'm very happy that my baby and his mother are in good health." He added, "I hope I can afford to feed the baby enough, because he needs more milk than other babies." Akbar measured nearly 24 inches long. The mother, who goes by the single name Anni, has two other sons who weighed 11.6 pounds and 9.9 pounds respectively at birth. Both of those babies would be considered large by regular standards but Akbar's birth sets a new Indonesian record beating the former record of 14.7-pounds soundly! The Guinness World Records Book cites the heaviest baby ever as being born in the U.S. in 1879, weighing 23.75 pounds!! Of course they didn't have C-sections back then and they say you could actually hear the mother's screams all the way in Indonesia. (myway.com)

Pilot Stalker!
This is really weird and takes stalking to an entirely new level -- sky level to be exact. Police in Concord, California, have arrested pilot Tom Huey and accused him of stalking his ex-girlfriend by repeatedly flying his plane low over her house. Sgt. Tiffiny Leftwich says Huey made several low passes over a residential neighborhood. A dozen residents called police to complain. Huey was arrested shortly after landing the Beech single-engine aircraft. Police have been investigating reports of a low-flying plane in the area for more than a year. Huey's girlfriend filed for a restraining order last year, but he was not served until just last Wednesday afternoon. (Contra Costa Times)

Talk About A BFF!
Talk about a BFF! In China, a 22-year-old woman named Dan Dan is offering to sell her own hand in marriage for $30,000 in a bid to save the life of a classmate. Her friend, Zhang Yuemei, has been diagnosed with encephalomyelitis, a disease of the brain and spinal cord. Zhang has no money for the treatment she needs and without which she will deteriorate into a vegetative state. But Dan Dan says she will marry any man willing to pay the $30,000 needed to cover Zhang's medical treatment. Critics have accused her of using her friend's plight to find a wealthy husband. Or maybe she's just the kindest, most generous soul in the world who is making a supreme sacrifice for her friend! Ever think of that you cynical Chinese bastards? ( Guangzhou Daily)

Hard To Get a Drink in Prison
At the Verne Prison in Dorset, England, officials installed hand-gel dispensers in an effort to reduce the threat of swine flu. The special hand gel contains a good portion of alcohol to kill germs. Unfortunately the dispensers are now being removed after inmates repeatedly used them to get a drink and get drunk! Inmates were spotted placing their mouths under the dispensers and consuming the gel. Prison officers had expressed their concerns at suddenly having to deal with a number of drunken convicts after a big brawl erupted. (Ananova)

Pregnant Woman Gets Pregnant!
This is just wild! In Baltimore, Julia Grovenburg was already pregnant when doctors told her she was pregnant -- again! No kidding. Julia was shocked when an ultra sound showed her baby girl-- and a second, younger male baby beside her. Doctors believe she conceived the second child two-and-a-half weeks after the first and they are both developing side by side. It's an extremely rare case of a phenomenon known as "superfoetation" (super-foe-TAY-shun) when a woman conceives for a second time while already pregnant. Julia conceived the two non-twins, who have different due dates, with her husband Todd. The older one had already been given the name Jillian and her younger brother will be called Hudson. Superfoetation can be dangerous for the younger baby as it could lead to premature birth and lung problems, but experts said a gap of only two-and-a-half weeks should not lead to a problem for Hudson. (Ananova)

Drunk Women Are More Frisky In Bed -- Duh!
A new study says what we thought was pretty much already established -- women are less inhibited in bed if they've been drinking before sex. Researchers, who surveyed 3,000 women aged 18-50, found on average they have slept with eight men, but were drunk with at least five, and on two occasions couldn't remember the man's name the next day. Almost half of those questioned said they preferred sex while under the influence of alcohol because it helped them lose their inhibitions and be more adventurous. 75 per cent of women liked to drink before getting into bed with their husband or boyfriend, and 6 per cent had never had sex sober. More than half claimed drinking with a prospective partner was "part of the dating process" so were a bit drunk when they had sex. 14 per cent of women in a relationship said they can't sleep with their partner without a couple of glasses of wine beforehand. Kathryn Lakeland of Femfresh, which conducted the study, said the results showed women lacked confidence and added, "The fact alcohol plays an integral role in their love lives shows that women are looking for a boost in self-esteem when it comes to their bedroom antics." (Sky News)

Ladies -- Don't Join the Swedish Army!
Being a female in the Swedish Army (I know -- Sweden has an Army?) is apparently not all it's cracked up to be. And that's all because of a major problem with the Army issued bras the lady soldiers have to wear. It seems the bra's clasps are just worthless and come undone way too easily. The Swedish Conscript Council has told the county's military leaders the bras are useless in combat because of weak catches. Council spokeswoman Paulina Rehbinder said, "When women perform vigorous exercise their bras come undone so they have to stop and undo all their kit to clip them back together. Currently the bras are completely inappropriate." And she says that while the military top brass are aware of the problem, they're not doing enough about it. Women make up about five percent of the Swedish Armed Forces. Hmmm. Bras that become easily unhooked. Think those were designed by a man perhaps? Maybe our hunky Swedish friend Sven? (Ananova)

Separated At Birth But Working At the Same Place!
36-year-old Gary Nisbet and 35-year-old Randy Joubert both work at Dow Furniture Removals in Waldoboro, Maine. Co-workers would always say they looked so much alike they could be brothers. Turns out they are. Apparently both men were given up for adoption as babies, then attended rival high schools and lived in neighboring towns on the Maine coast. Their first meeting came this last July when they started working at Dow Furniture. Both men knew the names of their biological parents -- both who have since died -- and through casual conversations uncovered their amazing story. Randy said he was "star-struck and blown away and just couldn't believe it. After the brothers' story was covered by local media, they also discovered a half-sister, 41-year-old Joanne Campbell, who turned up at their workplace with her birth certificate. (Ananova)

Texting Does NOT Lead To Bad Spelling!
Good news parents-- University of Alberta Psychology professor Connie Varnhagen has determined that texting does not make your kids bad spellers! The proof is a comparison made of text messages among 40 Canadian students aged 12 to 17 and a spelling test. The study showed that good spellers maintained their spelling ability, even if they text words on their mobile phones in an abbreviated manner. Ironically, those who were poor spellers to begin with also made spelling errors in their texts. One example was the acronym ROTFL which in text speak means "rolling on the floor laughing." Poor spellers would misspell it in various ways like "RATLF." (AHN News)

Maybe He Could Join PETA
In Madison, Wisconsin, Jorge Iglesias had 66 roosters and hens confiscated by police in a suspected cockfighting raid. The animals are currently being cared for by the Dane County Humane Society. But Jorge has now petitioned a judge to have them released back to him because he believes the Human Society is treating them with "cruel and barbaric" abuse. (Wisconsin State Journal)

You Mean We Have To Obey the Law All the Time?
This is just really sad. In San Antonio, Texas, police chief William McManus announced that he was upgrading the department training program to teach his officers how to obey the law while they are off-duty! It seems he's had to fire no less than 10 officers so far this year for law-breaking! Included in the new program is a personal talk from McManus to each incoming cadet to stress that police officers must not commit crimes anytime, anywhere! (San Antonio Express-News)

Cool Command Center! Too Bad It's Illegal!
In California, the San Joaquin County Sheriff's Department just spent $500,000 on a brand new mobile law enforcement command center that officials say is critical to emergency responses. Too bad they just found out it's illegal to drive on California roadways! The two-axle vehicle weighs about 2,060 pounds too much under California law. So they'll now have to spend more taxpayer money to add a third axel and more wheels to correct the problem. The vehicle was built in Ohio, where it is legal to drive on roadways, so three deputies will have to drive it back to the manufacturer -- a distance of 5,000 miles -- to get the vehicle fixed. The financial cost of the 11-day trip comes to $8,000 for gas and travel expenses, $11,000 for the deputy's salaries, and $19,000 for the repairs. (CW13 News)

Would You Pick Up a Hitchhiker With a Chainsaw?
From Belleville, Illinois, comes the question: Who would pick up a hitchhiker carrying a chainsaw? Well at least one person would -- a sheriff's deputy -- who was happy to give our friend a ride to jail. Police had responded to a burglary report at a residence and the victims reported seeing a man in their garage who they last saw walking toward Illinois 15 carrying their chainsaw which he stole. 42-year-old Donald F. Aten was found hitchhiking on the highway with his thumb in the air. So Deputy Russ Taylor stopped and told him to put down the chainsaw and put his hands on the patrol car. Aten asked the deputy if he was going to take him home. The answer was no. (Cbnd.com)

Please, Don't Squeeze the Muffins!
We're not quite sure what to make of U.K. grocery chain Tesco who is threatening legal action against two teenage girls who squeezed a couple of muffins to see how fresh they were. The two 17-year-old girls were visiting England from Italy and squeezed two blueberry muffins before purchasing a third. But then they were stopped by security as they tried to leave the store. After being questioned in the store's basement, the girls were released with a warning that included a threat of criminal prosecution. A Tesco spokesperson said the girls had been seen "damaging" the muffins, adding that "they were stopped outside the shop, taken back in and told what they had done was wrong." Boy, it's a good thing they never found the Charmin aisle! (The Consumerist)

Since When Does One Parent Speak For All of Us?
This is just crazy. In Norman, Oklahoma, a visit by a best-selling author to a Norman middle school was canceled after a single parent complained. Author Ellen Hopkins was scheduled to speak to eighth-graders at Whittier Middle School about her career, the writing process and her books. Hopkins is the author of several New York Times best-selling books for young adults and had been asked to do a review of her book "Glass." The novel is the second in a series about a teen dealing with drug addiction and loosely based on Hopkins' experience with her own daughter, who was addicted to meth. But one parent complained about the book's content so they cancelled the appearance. And now an internal committee made up of administrators, teachers and librarians will review "Glass" and possibly Hopkins' other books to see if they should be in middle school libraries at all!! Hopkins said she's trying to show students what could happen if they make bad choices and go down those paths adding, "I've done hundreds of school visits, and I always focus on an anti-drug message." She describes her books as raw and honest, targeted to readers age 14 and older. I wonder if this means we need to also ban all the works of Edgar Allen Poe. Lots of drug use in those stories! Is it me or are you tired of a few uptight, wacked-out parents ruining it for everyone? (News OK)

Abercrombie & Fitch Screws Up Their Own Appeal!
Teen clothing giant Abercrombie & Fitch's appeal of a $115,264 fine for discriminating against a disabled teenage customer was thrown out last week because the company doesn't know how to use the mail. The Minnesota Department of Human Rights penalized the clothing retailer after it didn't let Molly Maxson, an autistic teenager, be accompanied by her sister in a fitting room at its Mall of America store in 2005. Store employees refused to help Molly even after Molly's sister and mother explained that, because of her disability, the 14-year-old could not be alone. In addition to the fine, the state ordered Abercrombie to train its employees to accommodate disabled customers and to put up signs in its seven Minnesota stores about how customers can seek exceptions to the company's one-person-per-fitting-room policy. So Abercrombie appealed the fine and corrective actions, but sent the petition in by first-class mail, rather than by certified mail or hand-delivery which is required by law. So the appeal was thrown out! Ian Laurie, an attorney for Molly Maxson, said he's glad the ordeal is finally over and added, "It's time to put up those signs." So let me get this straight. You're a major retailer and you actually get caught discriminating against autistic children. But rather than apologize and take corrective action, you decide the best P.R. move for you is to actually appeal the fine you got?? (Star Tribune)

Woman Now Sees Through Her Tooth!
60-year-old Sharron Thornton has become the first person in America who can see through her tooth! No kidding. She now has a tooth for an eye after the first operation of its kind at the Bascom Palmer Eye Institute at the University of Miami. Surgeons removed one of Thornton's canine teeth, ironically known as an eye tooth, shaped it, and attached a synthetic lens. The tooth-eye combo was then temporarily implanted into a pouch inside the woman's cheek so it could grow a protective coating of living tissue. Finally, a hole was cut into Thornton's left eye, where the tooth was implanted. And it works! One of the things Thornton can see now is the official name for her procedure: osteo-odonto-keratoprosthesis. Now that's a mouth full. Or is that eye full? (AHN News)

Weird Domestic Disturbances!
It's interesting they ways people hurt each other as revealed in these recent domestic disturbance calls around our country. In Bremerton, Washington, a couple was found throwing mouthwash and powdered whey protein at each other. In Niceville, Florida, police arrested a woman for assault after she pulled her husband back inside their home by his ear. And in Lynnwood, Washington, a 78-year-old woman kicked her husband in the groin several times because she believes he had an affair 35 years ago! (Sky News)

The Worst Lover In the World!
Congratulations German friends -- you've been voted the worst lovers in the world! A web site called OnePoll.com asked 15,000 women from 20 countries to rate nations on their bedroom skills and to give reasons for their answers. Germans were the worst in bed because they were considered "too smelly". English lovers came second because they were too lazy, while men from Sweden were branded "too quick" and came in third. Spanish men were voted the world's very best lovers followed by Brazilians and Italians. Other findings included tidbits like Dutch men were "too rough", Americans were "too dominating" and Greek men were too sloppy. Other countries who didn't fare well were Scotland (too loud), Russia (too hairy), Turkey (too sweaty) and Wales (too selfish). (Ananova)

Running Of the Bulls Jersey Style!
It wasn't exactly the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, but a 1,400-pound bull that escaped from a Patterson, New Jersey slaughterhouse did manage to drag police officers with a lasso down a street and then run 10 blocks before being captured and sedated. Chief John DeCando, spokesman for Paterson Police's animal control division, says the bull was being unloaded at ENA Meat Packing plant when it broke loose just before 8:30 a.m. Smart bull. Fortunately traffic was light during the bull run and no one was seriously injured. The brave bull was ultimately returned to the slaughterhouse and will probably be served as someone's dinner very soon. Beef! It's what's for dinner. If it doesn't run away. (The Record of Bergen County)

A Very Expensive Hot Dog!
Hope that was a good hot dog Antonio Judd of Worcester, Massachusetts! Mr. Judd pleaded guilty to flashing a pellet gun and then stealing a hot dog from another man sitting under a tree in Elm Park. That turned out to be one expensive hot dog as it will cost Judd 18 months of his life behind bars. If you're feeling that sentence may be a little stiff for a hot dog, you might like to know that Judd has already spent time in prison at least three times for offenses including assault and vandalism. (Telegram & Gazette)

If You're Hired To Remove a Roof -- Try To Get The Right House!
Nothing like coming home from vacation and finding your roof is suddenly missing. 76-year-old David Fisher from Breaker's West, Florida, was forced to return home early from a vacation after Bossler Roofing contacted him to say they mistakenly removed the roof from his home. The company was supposed to remove his neighbor's roof. So Mr. Fischer is demanding an entire new roof for free. Kind of seems fair under the circumstances. But Bossler Roofing is saying, "no way" and instead offered to finish the roof at a big discount so that Fischer would only have to pay his insurance deductible. But Fischer says he won't pay a penny and added, "My feeling is they just playing games they trying to take advantage because I'm an old person." He's considering a lawsuit against the company if the issue is not resolved soon. Are you kidding me? Seriously? You tore up the man's roof so you replace it. And you don't charge him one cent. And you apologize a million times for your bonehead mistake. What kind of jerk company is Bossler Roofing? (UPI)

Taxpayer Paid Porn!
According to a new report in the The Washington Times employee misconduct investigations involving government workers accessing pornography from their government computers grew sixfold last year inside the taxpayer-funded foundation that doles out billions of dollars of scientific research grants! That's the National Science Foundation (NSF) and the porn problem got so bad that the agency's inspector general forced the internal watchdog to cut back on its primary mission of investigating grant fraud and instead focus on catching internal porn surfers. So how bad was it? Well one senior executive spent at least 331 days last year looking at porn on his government computer and chatting online with nude or partially clad women without being detected. When finally caught, he retired. And in his incredibly lame defense, he said that he frequented the porn sites to provide a living to the poor overseas women who needed the money. Investigators put the cost to taxpayers of this one individual's porn surfing at as much as $58,000. (Washington Times)

Teen Cuts Off Abusive Father's Hands!
In Taiwan, a 17-year-old boy has been arrested for chopping off his father's hands -- an act the teen said was revenge for years of physical abuse. The boy cut through his father's wrists with a knife while he was asleep at the family's home. The 37-year-old father, a divorced ironsmith, was in stable condition after doctors reattached his severed hands. Police said the boy admitted to the deed and showed no remorse, complaining that since his mother left home 10 years ago, the father had frequently beat him. A juvenile court will decide whether to file charges. (The Apple Daily)

$200,000 For a Cup of Coffee?
The city of St. Louis is making a lot of jokes about the $200,000 cup of coffee -- but it's no laughing matter with the folks at St. Louis Community College or their insurance company! The college is getting stuck with the mammoth bill after a coffee maker rigged to a faucet and left on in a photo lab led to a ruptured water line. About 10,000 gallons of water spilled down four floors, damaging ceilings, walls, computers and files. The cleanup bill came to $143,494 from a disaster-recovery company plus another $54,000 for miscellaneous expenses, including overtime costs. The school will be out the $54K plus their $25,000 insurance deductible. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

He's 91 and Naked, But He Can Take You Down!
In Lake Worth, Florida, 91-year-old Robert E. Thompson jumped out of bed early when his dog first starting growling -- then attacking the intruder that had broken into his home! Thompson was completely naked at the time but didn't stop to put on a robe, rather he ran straight for his revolver and went out back to let the guy know how he felt about home invaders. A World War II vet, Thompson said he didn't even notice he was standing outside in the dark without any clothes on. When the police got there they found a very intoxicated 26-year-old intruder being held at gunpoint by a naked 91-year-old guy. The intruder was arrested and taken to jail. Thompson went back to bed. (The Palm Beach Post)

There Will Be No Soda Cans Up In Here!
In Bryan, Texas, Michael Angel Zamago apparently has a thing about people invading his space. He was so angry after finding a soda can in his bedroom, thinking that one of his roommates had entered his room without his permission, he allegedly grabbed a sword and started chasing his two roommates with it. He then started poking holes in a closed door to the room where the pair fled. One roommate has a cut under his right arm pit. The other suffered a cut in the shoulder area. Zamago was arrested on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon related to family violence. (myway.com)

Some $20 Bills Are Actually Worth a Whole Lot More!
In Dickinson, North Dakota, at first UPS store manager Nancy Kostelecky thought someone was trying to pass off a counterfeit $20 bill on her. That turned out not to be true. Sure, this twenty did look unusual, because it was printed in 1934. But it was completely legitimate and pretty rare. Dickinson Police Detective Chris Coates did some checking and says similar bills are selling on eBay for up to $134. But Kostelecky has no plans to sell it and will give the bill to her father, who collects coins. (The Dickinson Press)

It's Hard To Get Arrested For Doing Your Laundry
You'd think it be pretty hard to get arrested just for doing your wash down at the laundry mat. But in East Naples, Florida, 59-year-old James T. Lowe showed us just how wrong you are. Police found him sitting outside the laundry mat with no pants on because he said his pants were inside being washed. Lowe, who is homeless, also had an open container of booze which didn't help the situation. So he was arrested for indecent exposure in public, trespassing, having an open container of alcohol in a public area and resisting an officer without violence. The latter because he tried to walk away while officers were arresting him. (Naples News)

Not the Old "I'm A Police Officer Too" Trick Again!
Seriously folks -- stop trying to impersonate a police officer when you get pulled over. It doesn't work! In Salem, Oregon, Deputy Ethan Griffith had pulled over 29-year-old David Hickman for operating an unsafe vehicle because it had a huge crack in the windshield. The first thing Hickman said was, "Shouldn't I be the one giving the tickets?" Surprised at the statement, Deputy Griffith asked Hickman what he meant. So Hickman proceeded so explain that he had just been hired by Gresham Police Department two days prior and had his choice between the State Police and the Gresham Police Department. He also said he was scheduled to attend the Police Academy soon. Deputy Griffith congratulated him and then gave him a ticket anyway. Griffith later checked out Hickman's story -- none of which turned out to be true -- and then later went to his home and arrested him for Criminal Impersonation of a Police Officer. (KATU TV News)

True Love Defined!
Want to know what true love is? Check out the story of Aaron Cole. Cole is a 24-year-old college student from Grass Lake, Michigan, and was headed to Maine for a vacation with his 22-year-old girlfriend, Shelly Johnson. While in New Hampshire, they saw a beautiful waterfall and decided to check it out. Cole started fooling around by walking in the water which was a big mistake. He slipped and fell, then careened down the waterfall about 120 feet, bashing his head on rocks. When he came to a stop he lay bloody and unconscious, face-down in a pool of water. He wasn't breathing by the time Johnson reached him. Being a nursing student, she immediately gave him mouth to mouth and then stripped out of her bikini, using it to bandage the gashes on his head. She then carried him down the hill it took them 45 minutes to climb. Most of the way, she cradled him, talked to him and tried to keep him conscious. While Johnson is very athletic and a state champion hurdler at Grass Lake, it defies explanation that she, at 115 pounds, carried a 160-pound man so far. She says it was adrenaline and God. Amazingly, the first people to find them were an intensive-care nurse and an emergency-room nurse. Cole was then airlifted to Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center where he was treated in intensive care for two days, but had no permanent brain damage. Man, hope he never tries to break up with her. (Jackson News)

Double Dose of Bad Luck
In Sandusky, Ohio, Greg and Judith Moses and cars just don't seem to mix. The couple got a double dose of bad luck when their car was stolen-- while they were recovering from a car accident! They were struck by a car while crossing a street and were taken to the hospital for treatment. Greg injured his knee while Judith got a few bruises. But later that same day, while they were still at the hospital, someone stole their car from their home! Two teenagers were later arrested and charged with stealing the car after they were stopped in Cleveland. Greg says it was a "wild day." (Sandusky Register)

What Did You Think Would Be Growing On "High" Street!
In Millville, New Jersey, someone alerted police to some rather odd looking plants growing right in the middle of the city's business district. The 3-foot-tall plants, which were growing in a basket hanging from a lamp post, did in fact turn out to be marijuana plants. The city's parks and recreation department, which tends to the baskets, says it has no idea how the pot plants got there. And the best part of the story -- the street where the plants were growing was High Street. No kidding! (The Press of Atlantic City)

Fighting Irish Makes a $29K Mistake!
Earlier this year, Sara Gaspar got a $29,000 tip from the University of Notre Dame where she worked as a catering employee. It was a mistake as the tip that showed up on her paycheck should have been $29.00 dollars. But the big money ended up in her bank account anyway and Sarah says she called the university several times trying to alert them about what she thought was probably an error. But nobody ever called her back so she thought it was meant to be. So she spent the money on bills and a new car. But now Notre Dame wants their money back so they're suing her. They say she never tried to contact them even though she insists she did and that after years of medical problems and hard times, she believed she was finally catching a break. When she told them the money was spent and she couldn't give it back, they fired her and filed a lawsuit. Now Sara says, "How am I ever going to win against them? Nobody wants to take this case." Hey, a quick phone records check should confirm that she called them three times. If she did, I say she gets to keep it. Like Notre Dame and the Catholic Church don't have enough money. Puh-lease! They can afford it. (South Bend Tribune)

New Tallest Man In the World!
There's a new "Tallest Man in the World" -- and he's from Turkey! 27-year-old Sultan Kosen has taken the Guinness World Record title from China's Bao Xishun and even clinched the records for the world's largest hands and feet! Kosen stands an amazing 8-feet, 1-inch -- essentially towering over Bao's 7-foot, 9-inch frame, and his hands measure10.8 inches and his feet 14.3 inches! His abnormal height was triggered by a tumor in his pituitary gland starting at age 10. His condition, called pituitary gigantism, was corrected and he stopped growing tall after the tumor was surgically removed last year. By the way ladies who like tall men -- he's single and reportedly looking! (AHN News)

Still Stuck In Old Lodi Again!
Looks like one 57-year-old man is still stuck in old Lodi (California) again, even though he apparently would rather not be. Our friend picked the wrong train to try and commit suicide with. After lying down on the tracks near the Lodi Depot, the guy's life was spared thanks to a slow moving train -- only 15-miles-per-hour -- and a "cow catcher!" As the train approached, the cattle guard pushed the man to the side and while he did sustain some injures to his shoulder and stomach, he's very much alive. Police say once his physical injuries are treated, he'll be getting a check up from the neck up! (Sacramento Bee)

Puma And Adidas End 60-Years of Fighting!
You probably don't know this but the two German sportswear giants Puma and Adidas, were actually started as rival companies between two feuding brothers. Adi and Rudolf Dassler started making sports shoes together in their mother's wash-room in the 1920s but had a falling out during World War II over political differences. So they each founded their own sportswear firm on either side of a river in the town of Herzogenaurach. They basically stayed at each other's throats until their deaths. However today-- employees of both companies will end the feud once and for all, shake hands and then play a friendly soccer match. This is all being done to support the "Peace One Day" organization, which has its annual non-violence day today (September 21). Neither company is controlled by the descendants of its founding families any longer, although Rudolf's grandson, Frank Dassler, did raise some eyebrows in the town by working for both Puma and Adidas. (Ananova)

What Are the Incredible Odds of This?
No secret that the odds to winning the lottery are pretty darn high. But what do you think the odds are of having the same exact 6 lottery numbers drawn at random for two lotteries in a row? Well it happened in Bulgaria and at least one Bulgarian mathematician, Mihail Konstantinov, puts the odds at 4.2 Million to one! Lottery officials ordered a special review after the numbers 4, 15, 23, 24, 35, and 42 were drawn on both September 6 and 10! An unprecedented 18 people guessed all six numbers when they were drawn the second time. Three of the numbers also appeared in the following draw on 13 September. (Ananova)

Naked, Drunk and Biking!
In Ocala, Florida, police have arrested 45-year-old J. Dante Krauss for riding his motorcycle while drunk and completely naked! Police Captain Mike Rolls said Krauss could not explain where he was coming from or why he was naked. Breathalyzer tests revealed blood alcohol levels above .08, the state's legal limit to drive. Turned out it was Krauss' fifth DUI! Man somebody take away that guy's license for good! (myway.com)

Conservative Religious States Not Good For Teen Pregnancy
A new study to be published in the journal Reproductive Health says states that have more conservative religious beliefs on average tend to have higher rates of teenagers giving birth! One explanation could be that communities with such religious beliefs may frown upon contraception. Mississippi topped the list for conservative religious beliefs and high teen birth rates. While the results don't say anything about cause and effect, researcher Joseph Strayhorn of Drexel University College of Medicine and University of Pittsburgh says, "We conjecture that religious communities in the U.S. are more successful in discouraging the use of contraception among their teenagers than they are in discouraging sexual intercourse itself." (Yahoo News)

No More Peeing in Pittsburgh!
Pittsburgh may soon be one of the first major cities to have a law specifically banning public urination and defecation. The City Council wants the new ordinance because they say other laws don't hold up in court. The measure approved this week carries a $500 fine for anyone who relieves themselves on public streets, private property or city parks. Councilman Bruce Kraus said the measure was needed because police tend to cite people who relieve themselves in public for either disorderly conduct or open lewdness. Often, the disorderly conduct citations don't stand up in court and judges are reluctant to convict people on the lewdness charge because it is a sex offense. Mayor Luke Ravenstahl must still sign the bill for it to take effect. (myway.com)

New World's Biggest Burger
There's a new World's Biggest Burger and it weighs in at 185 pounds! It's at Mallie's Sports Grill and Bar in Southgate, Michigan -- who broke their own previous record of a 164-pound burger! Restaurant owner Steve Mallie said it took eight hours just to bake the bun and that "Being in the Guinness World Records book is the greatest accomplishment we've ever done." The burger is baked for 15 hours before it is topped with cheese, lettuce and tomato and wheeled out into the restaurant on a trolley. (Ananova)

Busted Cheater!
Oh this is just sad. In Croatia, Jasna Ivanovic had made arrangements for her husband, Davor, to get a special birthday call from his favorite DJ, Barbara Kolar. He was supposed to be alone on a business trip but when Kolar called his room -- a woman answered and said he was busy taking a shower! When he finally came to the phone he claimed the woman was his wife but that couldn't be true because Jasna was conferenced in on another line. She began screaming, "Who are you with?" A stunned Davor shouted at Kolar, "Why have you done this to me? We have kids!" Then he hung up! (Ananova)

Some New Material Please!
In Moseley, England, a pair of musician-beggars were banned from performing in the area after a magistrate court heard tons of complaints by desperate residents about their music. The big concern seemed to be that the duo only knew and played two songs-- Oasis' "Wonderwall" and George Michael's "Faith." And they played them over and over and over driving folks mad! (The London Independent)

Not the Old "Cat Must Have Done It" Excuse!
Seriously -- Keith Griffin of Martin Country, Florida -- this is the best you got? The 48-year-old was arrested for possessing child pornography on his computer. And his big defense-- he tried to convince detectives that his cat often walks on the keyboard and must have stepped on some combination of keys that resulted in the downloading of about 1,000 child porn images. Really? (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)

Dumpster Sex Ends Badly
Can't imagine how having sex in a dumpster would ever be a good thing -- but it was especially bad for a couple in Wichita, Kansas. According to police, the couple in question, both 44-years-old (so they should know better), climbed into a dumpster to engage in what police called "an intimate moment." But as they were doing their business, two robbers came upon them and demanded their possessions. They stole their shoes, jewelry and the man's wallet. The suspects were found a short time later and the stolen property was returned. (Wichita Eagle)

Being Wrong Turned Out Right!
In Elizabethton, Tennessee, deputy sheriff Richard Barnett was responding to a domestic disturbance call but made a mistake and went to the wrong house. That actually ended up being an amazingly good thing as the 33-year-old man who answered the door immediately turned around, put his hands behind his back and said he was ready to go to jail. No he wasn't crazy -- he thought the deputy was there for him -- for the outstanding warrant out for his arrest. Of course Deputy Barnett had no idea so had the guy just kept his mouth shut... but instead he'll spend the next 40 days in jail. He pleaded guilty to failing to pay fines and complete an anger management course from an earlier incident. (Johnson City Press)

If You Decide To Impersonate a Cop -- Don't Pull Over the Mayor!
If you ever find yourself making the dumb decision to impersonate a police officer, please don't make the even dumber decision to pull over the mayor. That's what happened in Shreveport, Louisiana, as 21-year-old Daniel Niederhelman got himself some flashing red lights for his dashboard and used them to maneuver through traffic. But one driver he came upon pulled over. That was Mayor Cedric Glover who said Niederhelman pulled alongside of him then suddenly sped away. Perhaps he recognized the mayor. So Mayor Glover followed the car and called the real police. Police arrested him and seized the light and a handgun he had holstered. Turns out Niederhelman works for a private security company, but wasn't authorized to use the light. (myway.com)

I Just Can't Get My Satan-Worshiping Kids To Behave!
In Orangevale, California, a 15-year-old girl, allegedly a Satan worshiper, has been arrested and charged with setting her church on fire! The blaze occurred at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Orangevale and Christian Pebbles of the Sacramento Metropolitan Fire District said the teen made it clear why she started the blaze, which damaged church pews. Pebbles said, "She hates the church and she worships the devil. That's the reason why." So what does Annette Hilt, the suspect's mother think about all this? She told reporters, "Well, you know, kids sometimes don't always like what their parents want them to do. Everybody knows that." There were nearly 50 other church members inside when the blaze took place and the flames were about 4-feet high inside the chapel according to witnesses. (KCRA TV News)

World's Worst Soccer Team Finally Wins!
Maybe they're not the worst soccer team in the world but they're certainly the worst soccer team in Britain. We're talking about the Harraby Athletic Team who has been on a stunning losing streak for three years and has lost 90 straight games! But that horrible streak has finally been broken with a 3 to 2 win over the Edenvale Hawks at their home field, Hammond's Park. Coach Brett Preston said, "Pure determination has got us there and their faces after the game meant everything." The team is made up of players who all love soccer but have either never played before or who have been rejected by other teams. And by the way -- they're all under the age of 14. Coach Preston added, "The boys have been prepared to stick at it and been willing to learn. They turn up for training in all weather and really deserve a win at last." (Ananova)

Banana Sex Cult Leader?
Police in New Guinea are looking for the leader of a bizarre cult who promised villagers they would have a bumper banana harvest-- if they had sex in public. The perv and his followers fled naked into the wilderness when police tried to arrest them. Unsuspecting villagers in Morobe province had apparently been promised their banana harvest would increase 10-fold every time they had sex in public. Police inspector Adam Busil said officers had surrounded the man's hut but he refused to come out. He then made a dash for freedom with about seven naked followers and, in an incredible act of manly bravery, used his two wives as human shields to avoid being shot at by police. (Ananova)

Sorry Ma'am -- Your Crime's Just Not Worth It!
This is so crazy we couldn't have made it up. In Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin, a woman wearing a gorilla suit was picked up by police after she allegedly stole a large styrofoam banana from a gas station! Seriously! The woman used to live in Fon Du Lac but has since moved to Montana and police said they won't charge her because frankly, the crime isn't worth the cost of extraditing her back to Wisconsin. (Sky News)

Man Works 50 Years At Same McDonald's!
Who says there's no job security anymore? The folks at Mickey D's would argue that point. In Crestwood, Missouri, 68-year-old Leonard Rhomberg is being honored for 50 years of service at the same McDonald's. In fact, it was the first McDonald's ever to open in Missouri back in 1959 and Leonard still works there five days a week! The restaurant's owners, Patrick and Tom Hillmeyer, thanked Leonard with a cake, gifts and a St. Louis Cardinals jersey. Man -- that's all you get for 50 years? A cake and a jersey?? What about some fries with that? (KSDK-TV News)

A Very Special Couch
If you're buying yourself a new couch at the Goodwill store, you might expect it to have a squeak or two -- but not a meow! But that's exactly what was heard coming from one couch that had been delivered to a Goodwill store in Huron, Ohio. Employees heard the meowing inside the store and traced the sound to a sofa that was donated last Thursday. Store clerk Kaila Voight said they removed the cushions and out popped the head of a gray-and-black striped kitten, through a slit in the fabric covering the springs. They then dismantled the couch -- just to make sure the little kitty did not have company. The donor actually called a short while later to see if by chance a kitten she was missing was inside the couch. But when she was told the good news, the owner told the employees to just let a customer adopt it! What? (Sandusky Register)

The Real Weekend At Bernie's?
It looked like a scene right out of "Weekend at Bernie's!" In Brunswick County, North Carolina, 19-year-old Eric Len Henry Jr. has been charged with obstruction of justice after police say he drove an acquaintance around in his car for several hours -- after the acquaintance had died!! Henry did not immediately notify authorities of the death of 23-year-old John Ferguson and nobody's quite sure why. Instead of taking Ferguson to the hospital, Henry drove him around for a few hours. Police suspect Ferguson died of a drug overdose but are waiting for official autopsy results to determine the cause of death. Oh crap! My buddy just OD'd. Now what do I do? Guess I'll just drive around for a while! (Star News)

Don't Bring a Waffle To a Gun Fight!
Next time you're eating at the Waffle House on Paxville Highway in Manning, South Carolina, don't mess with 29-year-old waitress Yakeisha Ward. Of course you probably won't have a chance to as she's in jail now after a dispute with a customer. Ward got into an argument with customer Crystal Samuel. Samuel allegedly ended up throwing a waffle at the waitress. That's when Ward jumped over the counter and as Samuel said, "We got into it." The fight moved outside where Ward got a gun from her car and while she didn't shoot Samuel, she did allegedly pistol whip her in the head. About that time police rolled up and arrested Ward. As for Ms. Samuel, she said she has only one thing to say about Waffle House -- "bad customer service!" That's putting it mildly in this case to say the least. (WLTX TV News)

Stoning Back On the Law Books!
Well big news from Indonesia where public stoning has made a triumphant return to the law books. Lawmakers in a devoutly Muslim Indonesian province voted unanimously that adulterers can now be sentenced to death by stoning. It's especially surprising because just months ago, voters overwhelmingly chose to throw conservative Islamic parties out of power. But that transition of power doesn't happen for a few weeks yet so the conservatives got in one final old school tradition. Human rights groups said the law violates international treaties signed by Indonesia. The province's deputy governor also opposed the legislation, saying it needed more careful consideration because it imposes a new form of capital punishment. But just to be safe, in the meantime we recommend our Indonesian friends stay loyal to their spouses -- or you could be in for a really "rocky" ride! (Sky News)

107-Year-Old Woman Looking For Husband Number 23!
It's amazing that Wook Kundor of Malaysia is going strong at 107-years-old. It's even more amazing that she's now looking for her 23rd husband because she says marriage number 22 is on the rocks! Her current husband of four years, Muhammad Noor Che Mus, is 70 years her junior at the ripe old age of 37. But Wook fears he will not return home after he gets out of a drug rehab clinic in Kuala Lumpur. She wants to visit him in the Malaysian capital if she can find a neighbor to give her a ride. Her husband, who used to be her tenant, had previously said it was "God's will" that he fell in love with her. (Ananova)

Making a Name For Yourself
In Oslo, Norway, Andreas Jankov, a serious movie buff, has decided to make a name for himself -- quite literally. The professional bus driver has legally changed his name to Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacca Highlander Elessar-Jankov. He says it's the best way he can think of to pay tribute to his favorite movie heroes. His favorite films are Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, but he's also a serious fan of the TV hit MacGyver. Something tells us Andreas hasn't been on a date in a very, very long time. (Ananova)

Toddler Cheats Death!
In Waterbury, Connecticut, 3-year-old Letzy Vazquez managed to cheat death after falling from a third-story apartment window, then amazingly got up and tried to walk back upstairs. Her 30-foot fall was fortunately cushioned by a soft pile of brush layered over a walkway that leads to the rear of apartment house. The little girl was scooped up by her mother, 22-year-old Xenia Vargas, who took her upstairs. Police and emergency medical technicians responded, and took Letzy to Saint Mary's Hospital. Letzy apparently managed to open the window herself and there were no safety screens because her father had taken them out for the winter and forgot to put them back in. No charges will be filed against the mother because she was home at the time. Everybody now -- A baby fell out of the window, we thought that her head would split, but fortunately for that baby, she fell in a pile of shhhhhrubery! (Republican American)

Porn in Wal-Mart!
Thanks to a couple of 20-year-old pranksters, shoppers at a Fort Smith, Arkansas Wal-Mart got a real eye full -- of porn! Cody Allen Sexton and Kenny Dean Andrews were arrested after they allegedly removed the promotional DVD playing on the store's TV sets and replaced it with some hard-core porn! The DVD player was connected to six televisions in the store and the naughty film was very visible to the general public as they were shopping. Eventually, a customer notified a manager and the DVD was removed. Authorities released the store surveillance video of the young men in action to a local TV station and within six minutes of the broadcast, someone called Crime Stoppers with their identity. (Times Record)

Perfume Cures AIDS?
We've found perhaps the dumbest scientist in the world. That would be Beine Karzhaubaeva from Kazakhstan who held a press conference and announced he has cured AIDS by injecting people with perfume! And he added, "It has to be an expensive perfume." Of course doctors everywhere have condemned the treatment including Dr. Kozhahmet Mahirov, the head of Kazakhstan's Center Against AIDS who said, "It is illegal. Injecting perfume in the blood could harm not only HIV patients, but also any healthy person." Just in case you're not perfectly clear on this -- perfume DOES NOT cure AIDS and injecting it into your body is not only dangerous -- it is potentially fatal. Don't do it! (Ananova)

Woman Stops Smoking -- After 95 Years!
In Croydon, South London, 102-year-old Winnie Langley has finally decided to stop smoking -- AFTER 95 YEARS! She had her very first cigarette in 1914 and has smoked an average of five a day ever since. That works out to more than 170,000 smokes during her lifetime. So why quit now? Winnie says she simply doesn't like it any more. Ironically, her doctors have told her there's not much point in stopping now. According to her grandson Clive, the doctors said, "If she's got to 102 without getting cancer I don't think she ever will." (Ananova)

The Upside To Throwing Shoes At the President!
Nobody's saying nine months in an Iraqi prison is easy. Torture and sexual abuse is common, beatings are standard, healthcare is limited and family visitation rights are extremely limited. However, now that Muntazer al-Zaidi is free -- things are looking up. Of course Al-Zadi is the Iraqi journalist who became famous for throwing his shoes at former U.S. President George W. Bush. He was released from prison yesterday and has now returned to a brand new four bedroom home, built for him by Al-Baghdadia TV where Al-Zaidi's worked as a journalist. At least one new car was purchased for him by an unknown benefactor, plus he's gotten cash sent from random donors and a sizable number of marriage proposals. He has even been offered a free healthcare plan. So why all the good fortune? Muna Al-Bahar, an Emiratee sociologist said, "He represented the general feelings of Arab citizens towards U.S. foreign policy in the Middle East and in particular an antagonism towards Bush over the invasion of Iraq. To destroy an entire country's infrastructure and put it through years of war based on a lie is not something that went over well or will be forgotten quickly. The shoe thrower was just a symbol of the peoples' anger, and not only in the Arab world, even in Europe there was extraordinary anger towards Bush." In the meantime, Al Zaidi has told family members he would like to open an orphanage. (AHN News)

Woman Pummels Gas Station Clerk Over $20 Bucks!
In Newport, Delaware, police have arrested a 53-year-old woman after she allegedly punched a clerk at the Country Farms gas station. The clerk says the woman came into the station, asked for $20 bucks worth of gas, but only gave him a $1-dollar bill. The woman, certain that she had handed over a $20, went crazy and screamed at the clerk when he refused to give her $20 worth of gas. She then allegedly stormed behind the counter, punched the clerk in the face and held a pair scissors to his throat. At that point, the clerk gave her two $10 bills. Amazingly, as she was driving away, she realized the clerk was right and she found the $20 bill in her purse so she returned to the gas station. Whether she was going to apologize we'll never know because the police were already waiting and arrested her on the spot. (myway.com)

Two DUI Arrests -- Only One Traffic Stop!
In Salem, Oregon, one Marion County deputy actually made two drunk driving arrests with only one traffic stop. Deputy Ryan Clarke stopped a car driven by a 59-year-old woman on the suspicion that she was driving under the influence. While giving her a field sobriety test, another car pulled up behind his patrol car. Turns out it was the woman's 66-year-old boyfriend who stopped to see what was going on. And it seems he too had been drinking so the officer performed a field sobriety test on him. Both the woman and her boyfriend failed and were taken to the county jail for booking. (myway.com)

Sorry -- That's Been a Law Since 1887!
They had to go back a good ways for this one but in Winona, Minnesota, a 19-year-old man was arrested for cursing in public and police cited a law that's been on the books since 1887! The idiot yelled obscenities at officers who had earlier given him a ticket for underage drinking. It was so loud officers said they could hear him a block away. Typically, disorderly conduct tickets are given in these type situations but the guy was being such a jerk they pulled out the seldom used obscenity law which makes cussing in public a misdemeanor with a maximum penalty of 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine. Next time, keep your potty mouth shut Bozo! (Winona Daily News)

An 09-09-09 Story That Will Be Hard To Beat!
Sure -- there were plenty of babies born on the recent date of 09-09-09 and that's all well and good. But Molly Reid Miller's 09-09-09 birth was especially unique. She's the new daughter of Andy and Alison Miller and what makes her birthday so incredible is that she has an older sister at home, named Campbell, who was born last year on 08-08-08! No kidding! Wait there's more weirdness! Molly Reid's name has nine letters while Campbell's has eight! You can start humming the Twilight Zone theme now. But don't look for a third child on 10-10-10. The Miller's say they're going to take a break for a while on the kid thing. (KHOG TV News)

And Now We Start Bombing The Moon!
You won't believe this -- we're going to start bombing the moon. No kidding! Seriously! NASA has announced plans to send a rocket to punch a hole in the lunar surface next month in hopes of finding water! A 60-mile-wide crater has been designated as the target. Instruments aboard other satellites and on Earth have detected a significant amount of hydrogen, a telltale marker for water, on the northwest rim of the crater known as Cabeus A. So we're going to send a bomb into it. Because that's what Americans do! We bomb stuff! We just can't get enough! If there's something we don't understand -- we send a missile in there! Hell Yeah! Anthony Colaprete, lead scientist for the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, or LCROSS said, "We're very confident we're going to hit a good place." If all goes according to plan, scientists say, the giant cloud of dust sent wafting over the lunar surface will contain traces of water in the form of ice. (Los Angeles Times)

Fined For Farting!
Next time you find yourself detained by the Austrian police, better hold on to your gas! Police in Graz, Austria, fined 20-year-old Hansi Sporer $90 bucks after he broke wind while being questioned by officers. The officers said the laughter of passers-by humiliated them, giving them grounds to book Sporer under local anti police abuse laws. Once police source said, "This was no accident. He clearly intended to make a laughing stock out of the officers and deserved what he got." In Austria, the Safety and Security Act allows police to issue instant fines to people who insult or attack them. Or apparently fart on them. (Ananova)

We Should Take More Coffee Breaks
In Mankato, Minnesota, it took very little effort on the part of two county sheriff's deputies to track down four burglary suspects. The officers were taking a coffee break at the Happy Chef restaurant when all four suspects pulled right in. The officers noticed right away that their pickup truck matched the description of the truck being driven by the wanted men. And a quick peek inside revealed all the stolen goods, including laptop computers, other electronics and jewelry. So all four idiots were arrested. Captain Rich Murry says it shows even a coffee break can be productive. (The Free Press)

Did You Just Fire a Cannon At Me?
In Uniontown, Pennsylvania, 54-year-old William Maser was arrested -- for firing a cannon ball through his neighbor's house! Now it's not quite as sinister as it sounds. Maser is a war history buff and recreates firearms from old wars in his spare time. When he was trying out his newly made cannon, the 2-pound cannon ball ricocheted and hit a neighbor's house 400 yards away. Smashed right through a window and a wall before finally landing in a closet. Fortunately nobody was hurt but police did charge Mr. Maser with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. He did apologize and promised he would stop shooting his cannons on his property. (myway.com)

New Sky Dive World Record!
When 34-year-old Indianapolis firefighter Joe Frolick isn't putting out fires and saving lives, he likes to take to the air for a little sky diving. He loves it so much he decided he'd try and set a new world sky diving record -- and he did it on Friday. He made 100 jumps in 24 hours at the Warren County Airport. Frolick said he practiced for his jump-a-thon all summer. He was making his skydives from an altitude of 2,500 to 3,000 feet, lower than many free-fall jumps. Along with the glory of a world record, he also did it to raise awareness and money to fight fire deaths from smoke inhalation. (Dayton Daily News)

Folks Calling 911 Over Drive Thru Prayer Booth!
In Sun Tan Valley, Arizona, 38-year-old Matthew Cordell says it wasn't his idea -- "it was God's." We're talking about his new drive thru pray stand on Hunt Highway. Cordell's there from 6 to 10 a.m. on most Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and people stop by to make requests for him to pray for things such as the healing of ailments and the safety of children going to college for the first time. One woman pulled in on her way to Urgent Care for chest pains and Cordell said the pains subsided with prayer, and she went home instead. In another instance, Cordell said a man with a severe brain injury began improving following his intercession. The only problem is the prayer stand has become hugely popular. So much so that traffic has started getting really backed up and area residents have started calling 911 to complain. Pinal County district Supervisor Bryan Martyn said the county has been cracking down on rogue roadside vendors but it's not clear whether the prayer stand falls in that category since Cordell isn't selling anything and doesn't charge anything. (AZ Central)

Carjacker Loses Interest After Swift Kick in the Groin!
In Warrington, Pennsylvania, it had only been a few hours after he had been released from prison when Scott. T. Loher decided to try and carjack a vehicle from an 80-year-old man. But the victim wasn't exactly being cooperative. A fight broke out and Loher broke a bone in the old man's face during the scuffle. But then grandpa got in a good, swift, hard kick to Loher's groin-- which was enough to send him running from the scene. Lt. Joseph Knox said, "We don't recommend civilians do this, but this time it worked out." Police later arrested Loher who they found walking, or probably hobbling, down the street. (Philadelphia Inquirer)

Fix Your Teeth -- Then Marry My Daughter!
In Isle of Wight, England, 32-year-old Gordon Taylor had his heart set on marrying 26-year-old Sarah Lewis. Only problem was Sarah was the daughter of a dentist and Gordon -- well he didn't exactly have the oral hygiene a dentist dreams about. So her father, Dr. Phillip Lewis, said he couldn't marry his daughter until he had his teeth fixed. Sarah's mother Joy added, "Gordon is a lovely chap but he had awful teeth, really awful teeth." So now Gordon has agreed to have all the necessary fillings, caps and surgery needed for the perfect smile. Sarah said, "I will always love him regardless but I know the finished look will certainly please him as well as our family and friends." (Ananova)

Do We Really Need Naked Rock Climber Statues?
Not everyone is happy about the new sculpture on display in the Colorado town of Silt. It stands at a downtown intersection and is a rendering of a rock climber of undetermined gender scaling a cliff -- and oh yeah -- his or her bottom is completely bare! Silt resident Forrest Jacobs said he complained to town officials that the sculpture is inappropriate but he said he got little response. The sculptor, Blaine Peters, said critics are seeing only what they want to see. He calls the climber "a human in the rawest form climbing a rock." Earlier this week somebody covered the climber's backside with a cloth but town workers took it down. (Post Independent)

Atheists Are Mad at NASA!
A group called American Atheists are not real happy with NASA right now. They say the space agency is violating the separation of church and state rule by permitting a "space missionary" memento on the latest Discovery Space Shuttle Mission. On board the space shuttle is a small piece of an airplane that crashed in Ecuador in 1956 -- a plane that carried members of the Missionary Aviation Fellowship. One of the shuttle astronauts contacted the Idaho-based group proposing that the item be taken into space as part of a government-funded exploration project. But Dr. Ed Buckner, President of the atheist group says, "This is an inappropriate and unconstitutional use of resources. NASA is a scientific and exploratory agency that is funded by taxpayers. Its mission should not include religious grandstanding, or efforts to use outer space as a pulpit for religion." Ironically, Dr. Buckner's late father was the Rev. James C. Buckner of St. Christopher's Episcopal Church in League City, Texas and who collaborated with Apollo 8 astronaut Frank Borman to insert religion on the first lunar orbital mission in 1968. That mission included a Christmas Eve religious service as the spacecraft circled the Moon -- and prompted an unsuccessful lawsuit by American Atheists founder Madalyn Murray O'Hair. Ed Buckner said, "I loved my father, though I disagreed with him then and of course now. How do you think the non-Christian peoples of the world react when they see Americans pushing Christianity even in outer space?" (The Examiner)

Poo Girl Becomes An Icon!
At the recent Leeds Music Festival in England, a 19-year-old girl, identified only as Charlotte, accidentally dropped her handbag down one of the portable toilets at the festival. She then made the mistake of trying to retrieve it and got stuck in the tank! It took firefighters 20 minutes to dismantle the porto-pot and pull her free. The incident earned her the nickname, "Poo Girl!" Well Poo Girl has now become a pop icon of sorts and the Poo Girl Leeds Fest 2009 Appreciation Society set up in her honor has now attracted nearly 14,000 members on Facebook. Her cousin Katie explained how it all happened and said, "I think most people would have left the bag, but it had all of her money in it, her phone and her tickets home - her life really. She couldn't reach with one arm so she put her other arm in, and managed to get her shoulders stuck. Her arms are black and blue from bruises. As for Charlotte -- or Poo Girl -- she says, "I can't believe how big the story has become. You can even buy Poo Girl sweat shirts now!" (Ananova)

Germany Caves To Terroist!
A German court has caved to the wishes of a suspected terrorist and ruled that 49-year-old Reda Seyam can legally name his son Jihad if he wants to. The upper regional court in Berlin upheld the rulings of two lower courts on the grounds that it is a common Arabic name for males. Germany's birth registration agency, which implements the country's strict naming law, contested the name in court arguing that the father intended it to be interpreted literally and could harmful to the child, who would be associated with terrorism. The German intelligence agency has always suspected that Seyam was the mastermind in the bombing of resorts in Bali, Indonesia in 2002 that killed 200 tourists but so far haven't come up with any solid proof. Prosecutors in Munich have also accused Seyam of encouraging young Germans to convert to Islam and join a holy war. (AHN News)

Man Gets Caught Breaking Into Jail
In Sharpes, Florida, 24-year-old Sylvester Jiles was severely injured while trying to sneak back into prison! He managed to get some nasty cuts from barbed wire while trying to climb a 12-foot fence at the Brevard County Detention Center. What makes it really weird is that Jiles wasn't even supposed to be in jail. He had been released last week after accepting a plea deal on a manslaughter charge. But he showed up at the jail asking to be taken back into custody because he feared family members of his victim would retaliate against him. Jail officials said they couldn't do it and so he tried to climb over the fence. In the meantime he remains in the hospital. (Florida Today)

So Much For Being Nice
Maryland corrections officials were hoping to improve their juvenile rehabilitation success rates by using a kinder, gentler approach to incarceration. So they opened up a new facility called The New Beginnings Youth Center. Although a full lockdown facility -- they declined to use razor wire, instead merely landscaping its chain-link fences with thorny rose bushes. Well on the second day of operation one of the inmates easily hopped the fence and escapted. So they put back up the razor wire. So much for trying to be nice.

Hey It's My Turn To Play With the Swine Flu Toy!
This is just weird. The Centers for Disease Control headquarters in Atlanta is now offering a most unusual toy in its gift shop: a stuffed and fuzzy version of the H1N1 virus microbe. A company called GIANTmicrobes sells the swine flu plush toy along with other interesting fuzzy models of bed bugs, mad cow disease, and even STDs like syphilis and gonorrhea. According to their Web site, the company views the toys as "learning tools." Each microbe toy is accompanied by information about the disease it represents. (AHN News)

Ping Pong Champ Finally Gets the Girl
China's Wang Hao is the reigning ping pong world champion with two Olympic silver medals under his belt. You might say he had it all -- well except for a girlfriend. Chinese officials had banned the 25-year-old from dating -- because that's what they do in communist countries. But that's all changed now as national team officials permitted his relationship with former national teammate, 23-year-old Peng Luyang. Peng's coach Qiao Yunping said, "Both of them are old enough and it's normal." Strict control of athletes' personal lives is common in China's rigid state-run sporting system -- because that's what they do in communist countries. Under the watchful eye of team officials, star athletes are often banned from dating or marrying until a certain age, restricted in endorsement contracts and sometimes have a large percentage of their winnings taken away. Because that's what they do in communist countries. Damn communists! Where's Joseph McCarthy when you need him? (myway.com)

Excuse Me Ma'am -- Is That a Case of Beer Between Your Legs?
In Zachary, Louisiana, grocery store security cameras caught the whole bizarre thing on tape. 42-year-old Lisa Newsome took a 24-can case of beer from the cooler, wedged the case between her thighs by pulling up her dress, pulled her dress back down, and then proceeded to waddle out of the store! When she was later arrested by police, she not only admitted to the crime, she offered to demonstrate how she did it. Capt. David McDavid of the Zachary Police Department said, "I told her, no thanks, I wasn't into that." But Capt. McDavid said he was impressed as the case weighed 20 pounds! (myway.com)

Leave My Horse Alone Pantsless Man!
In Finley, Washington, police arrested a 26-year-old man for harassing his neighbor's horse. Oh, and the guy wasn't wearing any pants at the time. The horse's owner said he saw the suspect chasing the horse around his corral around 3:30 in the morning. And did we mention the guy wasn't wearing any pants at the time? So the police got our friend some pants and then took him to jail. (Tri-City Herald)

A Really, Really Bad Marriage
In Lancaster, Pennsylvania, 39-year-old Anthony Miller really couldn't stand his wife. He desperately wanted to leave her but she kept threatening to kill herself if he did. That's when he decided the only way out was to go to jail. So he robbed a bank by approaching tellers with a BB gun. He then asked for money and told them to call the police. He even asked for updates on their efforts to reach authorities as he waited patiently. He got his wish and was just sentenced to three to six years in prison. But here's the interesting part. The robbery happened back in 2007. It's taken this long for the case to go to trial and sentencing and ironically, Miller and his wife did indeed divorce last year. (myway.com)

Back in the Outhouse Again!
A 49-year-old unnamed man from Maine who was caught peering up at a girl from below an outhouse toilet seat four years ago is at it again! Our very disturbed friend now stands accused of crawling into another outhouse pit on White Mountain National Forest property in New Hampshire. Federal agents tracked the guy down after a 9-year-old boy saw him climbing out of a toilet at the Hastings Campground. Investigators said that the man initially said he climbed into the waste-filled pit to retrieve a T-shirt. Four years ago, he said he was retrieving his wedding ring. (myway.com)

World's Oldest Dog Is Dead
Sad news to report from the Canine world this morning. Chanel, a 21-year-old dachshund from Port Jefferson, New York, was officially named the world's oldest dog earlier this year by the Guinness Book of World Records. Sadly, Chanel has died at her family's home. In her last days Chanel rode in a stroller when she could no longer walk and wore sunglasses for her cataracts. Her owner was Denice Shaughnessy who adopted Chanel in 1988 when she was only six weeks old. Denice said, "She just inhaled and took her last breath. She had been telling me it's time." In her final months, Chanel became a celebrity, appearing at fundraisers and on the "Today" show and "Live! With Regis and Kelly." (UPI)

Man Claims His Cat Can Talk -- But Only Curse Words!
Robert "R.J." Duncan, of Palmerston, Australia, has made an interesting claim. He says his pet cat, Mischief, can speak -- but unfortunately can only say dirty words. Duncan says, "Mischief starts mouthing off when he wants his food-- when we start cooking." That's when the obscenities start coming out in the form of various meows. Duncan also said that in the evening, if Mischief doesn't get all the attention he wants, he'll start calling his owners all kinds of horrible names. He added that during his wedding, the cat swore at guests. Of course the story is being met with a healthy bit of skepticism so Duncan says he will now try to video tape Mischief in action so he can prove he's got the most foul-mouthed cat on the planet. (Northern Territory News)

New Tightrope World Record
Hats off to Swiss tightrope walker Freddy Nock who set a new world record for the highest tightrope walk with no nets or safety ropes. Nock walked along a tram cable on Germany's tallest mountain without a harness-- 9,655 feet high in the Zugspitze Mountains. It was the highest tightrope walk ever made. Nock walked along 3,264 feet of inclined cable and reached the tram station in 50 minutes. About 1,800 people watched his amazing feat and he raised over $18,000 in donations to charity. (AHN News)

Third Time's The Charm For Spiderman!
A French climber known as "Spiderman" has climbed one of the world's tallest buildings on his third attempt to do so. 47-year-old Alain Robert is famous for donning his Spiderman costume and climbing tall buildings. He does it with just his bare hands and uses no safety equipment. This time he took just over two hours to scale the 88-story Tower Two of the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. He began his climb of the 1,483-foot tower before dawn, after apparently eluding security guards. Once on top he unfurled a Malaysian flag and waved his arms in celebration. The first two times Robert tried to conquer the Petronas Towers, the third tallest building in the world, he was arrested but released without any formal charges. (Ananova)

Granny's Got a Gun!
In Fulton, Missouri, 69-year-old Judy Davis single-handedly forced a plane to abort its landing after she allegedly went out onto the runway and fired a .22 caliber handgun at it. She later told investigators she was mad because the plane had repeatedly flown too close to her house. Of course she was arrested and charged of unlawful use of a weapon. Sounds like grandma needs a check up from the neck up! (St. Louis Today)

Wrong Place at the Wrong Time Means You Get Rich!
In Minneapolis, 53-year-old Eldridge Chatman found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time-- but it made him $495,000 richer! Apparently Chatman was walking down the hallway of his public housing building and going to his mailbox. That's when he ran into the middle of a police narcotics raid. For some reason officer Craig Taylor decided to punch Chatman in the face which led to the poor man having two brain surgeries due to bleeding in his head. Chatman's lawyer, Bob Bennett, said there was no reason to use force on Chatman because he posed no threat to the officers and did nothing wrong. Bennett noted that blows to the head specifically should be used rarely and only when an officer is threatened. The city council agreed and publicly voted 12-0 to pay him a $495,000 settlement. If you ask me, they got off dirt cheap! (Star Tribune)

Please Bless My iPod!
The Shinto temple Kanda Shrine, near Tokyo, has been doing an amazingly brisk business blessing electronic gadgets! Our Japanese friends are actually paying $50 bucks for a personal session from a temple priest. Folks are getting their laptops, cell phones, iPods and more actually blessed under the impression that they will become trouble free. On patron carrying a troublesome cell phone, approached the shrine with a tree branch as instructed, turned it 180 degrees clockwise, and laid it on the altar. After bowing twice and clapping his hands twice, he left, believing he would now have a glitch-free phone. (Wired)

No Evolution T-Shirts Up in Here!
In Sedalia, Missouri, T-shirts promoting the Smith-Cotton High School band's fall program have been recalled and banned because the shirts display the theme of evolution! Designed with the help of band director Jordan Summers and assistant director Brian Kloppenburg, the light gray shirts feature an image of a monkey progressing through various stages of evolution until eventually becoming a human. Each figure holds a brass instrument that also evolves, illustrating the theme "Brass Evolutions." But assistant superintendent Brad Pollitt said a group of parents complained to him after the band marched in the Missouri State Fair parade because they apparently think evolution is now a religious belief and say the school district is required by law to remain neutral on religion. In a bizarre justification, Pollitt said, "If the shirts had said 'Brass Resurrections' and had a picture of Jesus on the cross, we would have done the same thing." But other parents were just as shocked that the shirts were taken away. Alena Hoeffling, who was furious about the decision said, "Whatever happened to the separation of church and state? If I wanted my children to be sheltered, I would have enrolled them in private school." Student Denyel Luke said the whole thing was extreme adding, "It's not like we are saying God is bad. We aren't promoting evolution." You know when I was in school the concept of evolution was considered science and in all our text books. So it's a religion now? I'm just asking. (The Sedalia Democrat)

I Walked With a Yeti!
Listen up Bigfoot believers -- 27-year-old Piotr Kowalski is the latest to join your club. He says he filmed the "monstrous, hairy creature" -- known as a Yeti-- while walking in Poland's Tatra Mountains. Piotr was busy taping a wild mountain goat when the giant creature ran into the frame. He said, "I saw this huge ape-like form hiding behind the rocks. When I saw it, it was like being struck by a thunderbolt. I never really believed the local stories of a wild mountain ape-man. But now I do." The Nautilus Foundation in Warsaw, which probes unexplained phenomena, now has the film and is examining it. President Robert Bernatowicz said, "It shows something that moves on two legs and is bigger than a normal man, but because the camera shakes so much it is difficult to say what it is. We plan to go to the site and see what traces, if any, are left." (The Sun)

Florida Stimulates Criminals on the Run!
Clever police in Florida are using the current economic downturn to help catch wanted criminals. The Fort Lauderdale Police Department set up a little scam they called "Operation Show Me the Money" and, using the name of the fictitious "South Florida Stimulus Coalition," mailed letters to folks with outstanding arrest warrants telling them there was a government stimulus check waiting for them. The letters told the suspects to call a special phone number to make appointments to claim their money. 76 people did and were all arrested when they showed up for their checks. Police said such roundups are safer and more efficient than serving warrants at people's homes. Police Sergeant Frank Sousa, who spearheaded the operation, declined to say how much money the suspects were offered but did say, "They were not large dollar amounts. No one was promised thousands of dollars." (Reuters)

Attack of the Killer Air Freshner!
In Niceville, Florida, a woman has been arrested after attacking another woman who was smoking a cigarette. And the attacker's weapon of choice -- a 9 ounce can of Glade Potpourri Air Freshener. Police were called to an apartment complex where they found the suspect spraying the air freshener around another woman's head. She allegedly sprayed the contents of the can continuously for nearly a minute. The police report quoted the sprayer as saying she'll continue to spray the air freshener and threatened she'd take the case all the way to the Supreme Court, maintaining her right to breathe fresh air. In the meantime, she now faces battery charges. (Northwest Florida Daily News)

Sometimes You've Just Gotta Feed a Gorilla a Pop-Tart!
An unnamed police officer in Minneapolis is being investigated for his bad habit of breaking into the Como Zoo so he can feed Pop-Tarts to the gorillas. Three gorillas, Schroeder, Gordy and Togo, were all fed the Kellogg's breakfast food. Security guards spotted the officer on surveillance cameras. The zoo says the animals have not suffered any ill effects from the experience, but have never eaten the sugary treat before. (Ananova)

World's Worst Tourists!
Sorry Russia -- you've just been named the country with the world's worst tourists! The survey was done by the web site "Real Holiday Reports" and completed by more than 1,000 of our British friends who vacationed abroad this summer in Spain, France, Cyprus, Malta, Italy, Turkey, Greece and Portugal. A whopping one third gave the pesky Russians-- now dubbed "the new Germans"--the thumbs down. Germany had held the title for several years. According to the poll Russians are notorious for hogging those precious sun-loungers around the pool, eat "almost everything" at all-inclusive vacation spots, belch and swear in public, and dress like obnoxious teenagers. (Ananova)