Burglar Comes Back For Seconds and Succeeds!
Police in Pensacola, Florida, are looking for the robber who was brave enough to come back for seconds! The suspect broke into Steve Fluegge's house and made off with his wallet, watch and video game system. But then he came back later to try and get what he couldn't on his first trip -- a 100-pound big screen plasma TV! A police investigator was on the scene when the robber came back hours after the first burglary but wasn't able to catch him. Police and K-9 units canvassed the neighborhood, but couldn't find the burglar or the TV. Investigators had left the TV in the backyard, where the burglar originally put it, so they could dust for fingerprints. That proved to be a most stupid move and the police did offer to pay Fluegge for the TV. (Pensacola News Journal)

Practicing the Worst Phone Call Ever!
The Utah Highway Patrol has come up with a clever new idea to help curb the incidents of drunk driving in their state. They've teamed up with local bars to give folks an idea of what it's like to have to call your parents and tell them you're in jail for DUI. A phone number has been set up to recreate what it would feel like to make such a call. After dialing 1-877-JAIL-FON, the caller is given the option to talk to a hysterical mother or a disapproving father, among others. A prerecorded message then plays one end of what the conversation might sound like, with the caller filling in the other half. Slogans associated with the campaign include "Getting a DUI is easy, calling your mom from jail is hard." (Deseret News)

World's Worst First Date!
So you think you've had some bad first dates? Well it'll be hard to top what one woman from Ferndale, Michigan, experienced -- having her car stolen on her first date! The woman's date turned out to be 23-year-old Terrance Dejuan McCoy who took the woman to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. They had met just a week earlier at a casino in Detroit. Well after dinner, Terrance told the woman he had left his wallet in her car and asked for her keys. She handed him over so not only did he skip out on the dinner tab, he then sped off in her 2000 Chevrolet Impala. But he did make one fatal error -- sending a picture of himself to his date's cell phone. Police quickly identified Terrance from the pic. Apparently he gets around. He's now been charged with stealing the car, a five-year felony. (myway.com)

How Much Would You Pay For a Sheep?
Okay -- how much do you think a really expensive sheep goes for these days? A thousand bucks? Five thousand? Try $347,000 which is a new world record incidentally for an 8-month old Texel ram sold at the annual sheep sale in Lanark, Scotland! British farmer Jimmy Douglas is the guy who forked over the dough and said the ram has "a great body and strong loin." But it might just be worth it as the ram is expected to father pedigree lambs worth millions for his new owner. (myway.com)

School Science Project Costs Company Millions!
In New Zealand, two 14-year-old schoolgirls have humbled and humiliated one of the world's biggest food and drugs companies after their school science experiment found the company has been lying! The girl's decided to run tests and find out just how much Vitamin C the ready-to-drink product Ribena actually contains. TV ads run by GlaxoSmithKline say Ribena has four times the Vitamin C of oranges. But students Anna Devathasan and Jenny Suo found out in fact, it contains almost no Vitamin C at all! Their original idea was to test Ribena against rival, cheaper brands to see if the cheaper brands were less healthy. Once the media got a hold of this, it was all downhill for GlaxoSmithKline. Their now facing 15 charges relating to misleading advertising which could cost them almost $2 million in fines. Not to mention that they've lost so much trust from consumers, the amount of revenue they'll lose can't even begin to be calculated. You go Anna and Jenny -- you're our heroes of the day! (The Guardian)

American Justice From a Legless Man!
71-year-old Keith Brian Berry of Port St. Lucie, Florida has no legs. He also got quite perturbed when saw a very able-bodied woman park her brand new Nissan Altima in a handicapped spot and then walk briskly inside a Wal-Mart. So Berry drove his motorized wheelchair over and keyed the car! Made a big massive scratch right down the side! All this was caught on surveillance video tape. The car's owner, a 39-year-old woman, said she was there to pick up her handicapped mother and was in the store for about 30 minutes. After Berry was stopped while exiting the store, he made apologies to the store and victim, for what he called the "most stupidest thing" he's ever done. He also admitted he didn't think of the possibility that the woman's mother was handicapped. Berry now faces a criminal mischief charge and was told he will be arrested for trespassing if he attempts to return to Walmart. (AHN News)

Apparently You Can't Pose Nude at the Museum!
If you walk through the New York City Metropolitan Museum of Art, you'll see plenty of nudes -- statues, paintings, etc. And they're okay with that. But what they're not okay with is real naked people. Police arrested 26-year-old model Kathlen "KC" Neill after she surprised everyone by posing nude for a photographer, in full view of visitors, in the museum's arms and armor section. Her attorney, Donald Schechter, says the museum is full of nude art, and to call what his client and her photographer were doing obscenity "is ridiculous." Photographer Zach Hyman directed the shoot. He's been getting some attention locally for photographing nude models on subways. Hyman has said he's inspired by nude paintings at the Met and his photos are not pornographic. (WNBC-TV News)

The Upside to Obeisity
It seems that there has been a major decline in the proportion of Canadians suffering hip fractures and doctors say that may be due to an increase in obesity and people having bigger butts. An article published in the Journal of the American Medical Association says the additional fat provides more cushioning during falls. Since 1985, the hip-fracture rate across Canada declined about 32 percent in women and 25 percent in men but researchers didn't provide any specific figures for increases in weight or buttocks widths. However, they did note weight problems and obesity are epidemic these days. (UPI)

Beam Me Up Some Smell Good Scotty!
If you're a "Treky" the latest must have is the all new Star Trek cologne! There are three new scents that take their names from popular character or aspects of the show. Tiberius, is named for the middle name of Captain James T. Kirk played originally by William Shatner. The Shatner-inspired scent combines citron, black pepper and cedar to evoke a "casual yet commanding" aroma. There's also Red Shirt Cologne, "because tomorrow may never come," and Ponn Farr perfume, for the ladies-- named after the Vulcan mating cycle. Sexy, yes? (Ananova)

Ticketing Your Way To a Balanced Budget
The small town of Heath, Ohio may have very well solved their budget problems. The town's new, six-intersection traffic-camera ticketing system issued 10,000 citations in its first four weeks! Problem is the town's population is only 8,500 so that does seem a bit excessive. Town officials are now discussing how to ease up on the ticketing. (Columbus Dispatch)

Latest Jesus and Virgin Mary Sightings
Visions of Jesus and the Virgin Mary are showing up in more and more strange places. Some of the more recent and unusual sightings include Jesus on a woman's toilet lid in Las Vegas, Mary in a bird dropping on the side mirror of a pick-up truck in Bryan, Texas, Jesus in a coffee stain on a mason jar in Ravena, New York, a Jesus shaped Cheeto in Dallas, Texas, Mary's image on a dry-cleaning company's press in Harlingen, Texas, Mary on the griddle of the Las Palmas restaurant in Calexico, Jesus on the neck of a guitar in Gloucester, Maine, Jesus on a maple leaf being raked in Sudbury, Ontario, and Jesus on a Kit Kat bar in the Netherlands. But of all of these, only the sighting in Bryan, Texas -- Mary in the bird droppings-- was actually getting visitors to the site to pray. (Global News)

Would You Bare All To Save Your Job?
How far would you be willing to go to keep from being laid off? Well workers at the Chaffoteaux et Maury factory in Paris are stripping down and making a calendar! They hope sales of the nude calendar will raise enough money to save 204 jobs slated for layoffs. Brigitte Coadic, a representative of the CGT union said, "Our aim is to show there are workers here who will do anything to save their jobs, even take their clothes off." The calendar features 13 male workers posing nude and covered only with masks or helmets. Coadic said that workers had been prompted to action when the company announced it would close production operations in northern France, cutting 204 jobs out of a total of 250 at the site. (Reuters)

%Free Live Porn In New York Park? Nobody really planned it out this way but the High Line Park in New York City has become the new hot spot for free live porn! Turns out many guests at the Standard Hotel in Manhattan keep forgetting to close the curtains on their floor-to-ceiling windows leaving a clear view for park goers below to see them frolicking naked in their rooms. The park recently opened atop an abandoned elevated rail line. City Council Speaker Christine Quinn has called the hotel's window action "unacceptable." But Aaron Lipman, who works in the neighborhood, says the shows are "healthy and fun" and kind of like TV's "Wild Kingdom." The hotel issued a statement Monday saying its managers will try to "remind guests of the transparency" of the windows. (myway.com)

Going For the DUI World Record!
Not sure if it's his goal but one man in New Mexico may be going for a new world record for DUI arrests. Our friend just got his 22nd DUI when his blood-alcohol content tested almost five times higher than New Mexico's legal limit. The 51-year-old suspect was so drunk he had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital where a blood-alcohol analysis showed a content level of .393 percent. New Mexico's limit for presumed intoxication is .08 percent. Police said records showed the man has been arrested five times in New Mexico and at least 16 times elsewhere. (myway.com)

For the Love of Camero!
John Schnatter, the founder of Papa John's pizza chain, has finally been reunited with his beloved 1971 black and gold Camaro Z28. John had to sell the car back in 1983 just to help keep his family's business afloat. But of course now times are good and thanks to the help of a $250,000 reward and a Web site he created asking for people to help search for his car, it turned up just 165 miles away from Louisville, Kentucky, where Papa John's is based. It had only changed hands twice from the original buyers. The current owner, Jeffrey Robinson recently delivered the Camaro to Schnatter, earning the $250,000 reward. That's only $246,000 more than Schnatter paid for it when it was brand new. Schnatter says it looks very much the same as it did when he sold it in 1983, but with a larger motor and fatter tires for drag racing. In honor of the reunion, Papa John's offered all Camaro owners a free pizza at stores yesterday. (myway.com)

Old, Naked Man in a Van
In Williams, Oregon, 70-year-old Raymond Lawrence Roberson armed himself with a rifle, barricaded himself in a van and started yelling threats from the window. He was heard telling people that he would blow up his van if they approached. Once police arrived, Williams Highway was shut down for about an hour in both directions and nearby residents were evacuated. But then Roberson got the idea to step out of the van and take off all his clothes. That's when police tackled him and dragged him away from the parking lot before arresting him for menacing and disorderly conduct. Because it's one thing to arm yourself and yell terroristic threats from your van, but if you're 70-years-old, and decide to strip down in public -- well that's where we draw the line Mister! (KTVL News)

Ladies: Your Testosterone Levels Determine Your Career!
Attention ladies -- those of you who work in risky financial careers may have higher levels of testosterone to blame. Per a new study from the University of Chicago and Northwestern University, researchers measured the testosterone levels from about 500 female MBA students who were also asked a series of questions about choosing between a guaranteed monetary award or a risky lottery with a higher potential payout. The more risk-prone students chose the lottery option and indeed had much higher testosterone levels than their safe-minded friends. (AHN News)

World's Most Amazing Goldfish!
A goldfish managed to survive for seven hours on the floor after jumping five feet out of it's bowl. His owner, Paula Dunster, noticed Sparkle was missing but assumed her partner was cleaning the bowl. But a few hours later it became clear that Sparkle was nowhere to be found so she went to the pet store to buy a replacement. The store worker told her to check the vicinity to make sure the fish hadn't made a "bid for freedom". Sure enough, that's exactly what happened and Paula found Sparkle covered in dust and dog hair. Just as she was about to flush it down the toilet, she noticed the fish was still alive. Her 15-year-old daughter Kelly claimed the "miracle" was due to her mom's special powers as she works as a spiritual healer. And we're sure this story will boost her business bigtime. Even if it is a little fishy! (Ananova)

Man Sells Himself on eBay!
Richard Lloyd of Golcar, England, has been unemployed for six months after being laid off from his job as a bartender. After no luck with a job search, he turned to eBay and offered himself as available for work! His eBay ad claimed he would be an "outstanding employee" and consider any line of work. Whether this will lead to employment is still up in the air though as he has yet to receive a job offer. Cool idea though. (Ananova)

Lochness Monster Spotted on Google Earth!
The mythical Lochness Monster may at last be verified thanks to an interesting picture on Google Earth. 25-year-old Jason Cooke spotted "Nessie" while browsing the Google earth's satellite photos and the shape seen in the photo is 65-feet long and appears to have an oval body, a tail and four legs or flippers. The picture is actually pretty amazing looking and researcher Adrian Shine, of the Loch Ness Project, said, "This is really intriguing. It needs further study." If you want to see for yourself, go to Google Earth and enter the co-ordinates Latitude 57°12'52.13"N, Longitude 4°34'14.16"W. (Ananova)

Is That a Farve, I Mean a Goat In Your Trunk?
People in Minnesota are celebrating Bret Farve's return to football and the Vikings in some strange ways. In Winona, a woman on her way to St. Paul stopped at a Tires Plus to get a belt replaced on her Chevy Malibu. While filling out the paperwork she told a repairman that she had a goat in her trunk. She wasn't kidding. It was a live goat painted in Minnesota Viking purple and gold with Brett Favre's No. 4 shaved on its side. The woman said she planned to have it butchered. The employee called animal control, which took the goat to a local vet. He was renamed Brett and placed in foster care. Animal control officer Wendy Peterson said the city attorney was reviewing the case for possible citations. Favre made his Vikings debut Friday in a preseason game. (Winona Daily News)

World's Worst Mom?
May have a new entry for world's worst mom. In Kettering, Ohio, 25-year-old Lori Richards was arrested after she allegedly left her 8-month-old baby home alone while she was busy selling her body for sex outside of a local business. She was charged with a first degree misdemeanor of child endangering and third degree misdemeanor charge of soliciting. Police received a call stating that a "female was standing outside the door offering sex for exchange of money." While police were talking with her they discovered she may have left her 8-month-old baby unattended in her apartment. Checking her apartment, they found her 8-month-old baby boy asleep in a swing with no one else in the apartment. Richards admitted she was attempting to exchange sexual favors for $40 to $120. (Dayton Daily News)

Next Time Try a Mask
When you decide to try robbery, remember a mask is much safer than spray-painting your face. In Richland County, South Carolina, 24-year-old Thomas James had spray painted his face to conceal his identity as he robbed a Sprint PCS store. But shortly after the robbery he began having trouble breathing and then up and died! The exact cause of his death has not been released but police suspect it was due to a reaction from the toxic chemicals in the paint. According to police, James stole wallets, purses and credit cards from five employees of the store, after demanding money from them at gunpoint. Employees were able to identify James as a suspect in the incident. (Greenville Online)

Missouri Lawmakers Don't Know Tupperware From Styrofoam!
Thanks to the stupidity of Missouri lawmakers, a new law taking effect this week could make criminals out of those who bring Tupperware onto many Missouri rivers. The lawmakers were trying to ban those Styrofoam coolers from the state's waterways as they are often found broken into pieces and floating in the rivers. But lawmakers, apparently a little rusty with chemistry, banned polypropylene rather than the intended polystyrene. Polystyrene is Styrofoam. Polypropylene is the plastic found in plastic containers such as Tupperware. The mix up means river floaters can use foam coolers without fear. But someone caught with a dishwasher-safe plastic container could risk up to a year in jail. (KSDK News)

Being Buried On Top of Marilyn Monroe More Popular Than We Thought!
Maybe you remember us talking about the crypt above Marilyn Monroe's tomb at the Pierce Brothers Westwood Village Memorial Park cemetery being put up for auction on eBay. Well the bidding reached $4.6 million! The crypt belongs to the husband of 80-year-old Elsie Poncher, who decided to transfer his remains to a nearby plot and sell his vault on eBay in hopes of generating at least $1.6 million to pay off the mortgage on her Beverly Hills home. Poncher said paying the mortgage will free her kids from any financial obligation to the property. The bidding started on August 14 at $500,000. Poncher's husband died at age 80, about 23 years ago and, per his request, his body was placed on his tomb facing down as if looking at the blonde bombshell. (AHN News)

Drink Up Raleigh! Your Water's Perfectly Safe!
Using a flexible-hose camera, public utility officials in Raleigh, North Carolina, were inspecting a faulty water pipe under the Cameron Village shopping district and found a pulsating, tennis-ball-size mass attached to a pipe wall. Local biologists identified it as a colony of tubifex worms that navigated the system until finding the perfect feeding spot. But don't worry Raleigh, officials swear that the worms are somehow no threat to water quality and your drinking water is just fine! (News Carolina 14)

When Pranks Go Horribly Wrong!
22-year-old Cory Lynch of Carmel Indiana just thought it would be funny as all get out to point a semi-automatic handgun at his friend, 21-year-old Landon Siela, as he came out of the bathroom of his Purdue University apartment. You can probably guess what happens next. The gun went off and hit Siela in the neck -- killing him. Lynch is now facing preliminary charges of reckless homicide and felony pointing of a firearm. Lynch, a Purdue junior, told police the shooting was an accident and that he and his roommate, 22-year-old William Calderon were just trying to play a joke on Siela to try to scare him. Siela was not a student but was visiting Lynch and Calderon on the weekend before classes start at Purdue. Police report that all three were drinking liquor at the time and Lynch and Calderon took breathalyzer tests and would have been considered legally drunk if they were driving. (Indy Star)

Double Trouble!
In Orange, Connecticut, 25-year-old police officer Jared Rohrig has been charged with posing as his twin brother to trick his brother's girlfriend, a 25-year-old unnamed woman, into having sex with him at his parents' house! The woman told police that she had been sexually assaulted at the Rohrig home, where she went to meet Joe Rohrig, Jared's identical twin. When she arrived, she got into the hot tub with the Rohrig brother she believed was Joe, began kissing him and agreed to go to an upstairs bedroom with him. But as they were having sex, she noticed something missing: the cowboy tattoo on Joe's left buttocks was not there. The woman immediately began to cry and asked him where his tattoo went. She realized at this point that this was not Joe and she told police that she got out of bed and tried to leave, but the man "grabbed her arms and threw her on the bed, where she continued to cry," and he continued having sex with her. When the woman told Jared Rohrig to get off her, he allegedly put a pillow over her face, and while it did not prevent her from breathing, she felt "scared and claustrophobic," according to the police report. (Connecticut Post)

Man Steals Cars in a Speedo!
You know you're going to be an easy car thief to spot if all you're wearing is a Speedo! In East Hartford, Connecticut, "Speedo Man" has been arrested after a police dog tracked him down and bit him on the leg. Police spotted the suspect wearing the bathing suit and holding a toolbox that had been stolen from a truck. They say he tried to steal several vehicles and also took items from them. When he tried to run, that's when they turned the dog loose. That's two bad decisions in one day -- stealing in a Speedo and running from the police. (WFSB-TV News)

Splash Goes the Lawsuit!
The Brookfield Zoo in Chicago is actually being sued by Allecyn Edwards who was at the dolphin exhibit and who says zookeepers were encouraging the mammals to splash water and then failed to protect spectators from the wet surfaces. She slipped and fell. Her lawsuit contends that officials "recklessly and willfully trained and encouraged the dolphins to throw water at the spectators in the stands, making the floor wet and slippery," but failed to post warning signs or lay down protective mats or strips. She wants more than $50,000 for lost wages, medical expenses and emotional trauma. (Reuters)

Just Plain Weird
The preferred "disciplinary" tactic of Tampa, Florida, high school assistant principal Olayinka Alege recently came under attack. The 28-year-old Alege was accused of making underperforming students remove a shoe so he could "pop" their toes. Five students at King High School complained, which led to a sheriff's office investigation. Amazingly, Alege was cleared of the charges after the students did admit that the popping is painless-- though some said, "weird." One apparently incorrigible student said his toes had been popped 20 times. Nevertheless, the principal recently ordered Alege to stop with the toe popping thing. (Tampa Tribune)

Body Building the Belgian Way!
Well, if there was ever any doubt that our Belgian body building friends like to use a little help from "Dr. Muscle" as part of their regime, the evidence was rather obvious during a recent Body Builder's Championship event where about 20 body builders were getting ready to compete. But unexpectedly, three anti-doping officials arrived at the meet and requested urine samples. Every single contestant abruptly grabbed his gear and fled and the event was canceled. (London Times)

Most Romantic Man in the World!
So you think you're a real ladies man do ya? Well you've got a lot of work to do if you're ever going to reach the romantic level of 87-year-old Tom Shovelton of North Wales. Tom has put a fresh rose at his wife's bedside every single day of the 60 years they have been married! He also kisses his 83-year-old wife Joan and first thing every morning and before they go to sleep each night. The couple just celebrated their diamond wedding anniversary for 60 years of wedded bliss and Joan says, "I still get a rose by my bedside every day and I always get a kiss in the morning and before I go to bed at night. We have lived and worked together all our lives, so we know how important give and take is." Tom says if more couples made a selfless gesture to their spouse or loved one, there would be fewer broken relationships. He added, "Everyone should do it! I love her to bits and I have done since the day we met." Tom and Joan have five children, ten grandchildren and one great-grandchild. (Ananova)

Really Bad Beef Jerky
In Cleveland, a 28-year-old barber got so upset over what he considered to be really bad beef jerky that he returned to the store where he bought it and tried robbing the owner! Amazingly, the store he tried to rob was just two doors down from his own barber shop. The store owner recognized him, then chased him out of the store with a baseball bat. And get this-- the police officer who arrested the barber knew him because he happens to be the guy who cuts the officer's hair. The barber was arrested at his girlfriend's house a few miles away. The barber told police the beef jerky made him sick as well as his dog. (The Plain Dealer)

Not All Wal-Mart Workers Are Happy!
Just in case you were under the illusion that everyone who works at Wal-Mart is happy and cheery, not so in New Haven, Connecticut, where police are looking for one Wal-Mart worker for allegedly beating an assistant manager in a store aisle with an aluminum baseball bat after getting reprimanded for the second time in a few days. Police are still looking for the 26-year-old suspect and plan to charge him with first-degree assault and breach of peace. According to the police report, the suspect grabbed the bat off a shelf and hit 29-year-old assistant manager George Freibott nearly a dozen times at about midnight Monday, after Freibott wrote the worker up for poor job performance. Freibott suffered a possible broken arm and many bruises. No customers witnessed the attack as the store was closed at the time. Lesson to be learned for all department store managers: If you're going to reprimand your employees -- don't do it on the baseball bat aisle! (myway.com)

Friendly and Flirty Atmosphere Not Good For Police Work!
In Midland, Texas, embarrassed Sheriff Gary Painter fired one Midland County deputy and suspended three others without pay after some shenanigans with a local waitress. Apparently the officers took photographs of the scantily dressed waitress holding a rifle and posed on the hood of their patrol vehicle. Police were called after someone reported the waitress with the weapon, which had been given to her by one of the deputies. The waitress was from the Twin Peaks restaurant, which promotes its "fun, friendly and sometimes flirty atmosphere!" The fact that the deputies reportedly had about three to five beers each probably didn't help much either. (The Midland Reporter-Telegram)

Man Fired For Repeating Seinfeld Joke!
In Cedar-Falls, Iowa, John Preston has been fired for sexual harassment after repeating a gag from the popular sitcom "Seinfeld." Preston and several of his co-workers at the Brain Injury Association of Iowa attended an outdoor retreat in July 2008 and during the event, one of the female workers told her colleagues that whenever she or her husband sneezed, the other would respond by saying, "You are so good looking." For the rest of the retreat, Preston and other workers adopted the routine -- mimicking an episode of "Seinfeld" in which the characters use the phrase "You are so good looking" in place of "God bless you." A week after the retreat, Preston allegedly sent the female worker who initiated the joke a series of e-mails in which he reiterated that she was good looking. This led to the woman complaining to her superiors and Preston was cautioned about such comments. But just a few weeks later, Preston allegedly stopped the woman in a hallway at work and massaged her shoulders while speaking to her. That generated another complaint which led to Preston being fired. (Des Moines Register)

Let's Go Riding With Lance!
About 300 people lucky people got to join an impromptu bike ride with bicycling legend Lance Armstrong after he issued an open invitation on Twitter. The seven-time Tour de France winner alerted fans that he was coming to Scotland during a Tweet and posted: "Hey Glasgow, Scotland! I'm coming your way tomorrow. Who wants to go for a bike ride?" After the event, Armstrong posted the Tweets: "Thanks to everyone who turned up to ride in Paisley! I figured we'd have a nice ride for a dozen or so. But hundreds came. Ha ha! Awesome! (Ananova)

New World's Cupcake Record
It was only a few months ago the Mall of America in Minnesota set a new world record for the world's largest cupcake. But that record has already been smashed thanks to a 1,224-pound triple vanilla cupcake with pink frosting unveiled at the Woodward Dream Cruise classic cars event in Royal Oak, Michigan. A Guinness World Records adjudicator was on hand to certify the new record. The colossal cupcake took 12 hours to bake and included 800 eggs and 200 pounds each of sugar and flour. Slices of the cupcake were served in exchange for donations to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure breast cancer organization. Ryan Abood, owner of Gourmetgiftbaskets.com who made the cupcake, said he estimated the giant concoction came with over 2 million calories. (Detroit Free Press)

Hide and Seek Champ!
You know you rule at hide and seek when they have to cut you out of your hiding place with a hacksaw! In Harrison, Arkansas, that's exactly what happened to one 7-year-old little girl when she chose a large cardboard tube as her hiding place. Unfortunately she then got stuck. Firefighters first tried cooking oil to try and slide the girl out. When that failed they moved to bolt cutters, a hacksaw and a cordless saw to finally cut the tube away from the girl. But hey, she won the game! (NWA Morning News)

Top Time Wasters at Work!
A company called CRN has done a little research and come up with the top five time wasters at work. Let's just hope the boss doesn't get a hold of this. The top five are:

5. Fantasy Sports: Too many folks -- mostly guys, fantasizing about their ultimate teams in competition -- usually with other co-workers.

4. Minesweeper: The simple yet addictive computer game is already installed on most office computers.

3. YouTube: Nothing changes your priorities at the office like finding out there's a great video online of a wedding couple dancing down the aisle.

2. Twitter: It was a tough battle for the top spot but the Tweets made it as high as number two!

1. Facebook: Need we explain. It's just too tempting to post to your friends and the entire world that you're having a ham sandwich for lunch today! (CRN News)

Skydiver Survives 2,000-Foot Fall With No Chute!
Paul Lewis is a very experienced skydiver and was actually busy filming another woman making her first parachute jump from 10,000 feet when he pulled his own rip-cord and nothing happened! His reserve chute then only partially opened as he spiraled rapidly toward the ground below. He ultimately landed on top of an aircraft hangar in the town of Shropshire, England. He did manage some head and neck injuries but miraculously is going to be okay. (AHN News)

Girl Leaps From Car Just Before It Plunges Over a Cliff!
In Kinmel Bay, England, 11-year-old Paige Dean was grooving to some tunes in her grandfather's parked car when she accidentally released the emergency brake. That sent the car in motion and headed right for the edge of a 250-foot cliff! As it picked up speed Paige jumped from the moving vehicle just as it went over the edge and plunged to the rocks below. She said, "In the end I decided to jump out and let the car go. I'm so glad I did. I saw the car fall off the cliff. I definitely would have died." Witnesses estimate the car was doing around 30mph when it plunged into the sea. Her 63-year-old grandfather, Billy Dean, was horrified when he saw the vehicle go over the edge because he thought Paige was still inside. He said, "It was a nightmare. The car will have to be hauled out of the sea and I don't know what the insurers will say. But all I'm bothered about is that Paige is all right." (Ananova)

Kids Forced To Fist-fight Each Other
In Tarentum, Pennsylvania, 30-year-old Joyce Sabotka and her 32-year-old boyfriend, Steven Meyer, are both being charged with endangering the welfare of a child after it was learned they forced her two sons, ages 6 and 9, to fist-fight each other as part of "training." In late July, the father of the boys told police that he "discovered numerous bruises" on the older son's buttocks after picking him up from his ex-wife's house. A few days later, a child advocacy specialist interviewed the 9-year-old, who told her that Mr. Meyer "hit him four or five times with a plastic paddle" and that Ms. Sabotka did not attempt to stop him. The boy also said that Mr. Meyer "makes him and his 6-year-old brother fist fight," and refers to it as "training." The fighting took place at least 20 times in Ms. Sabotka's bedroom, and she was present each time, according to the complaint. Mr. Meyer would tell the 6-year-old boy that if he "doesn't beat up his brother he will get 10,000 smacks." The 6-year-old told police that even if the brothers don't want to fight, Mr. Meyer "makes them fight and smacks them if they refuse." If there ever was a time for the phrase "lock 'em up and throw away the key" this is it. (Pittsburgh Post Gazette)

William Shatner Would Be Proud!
William Shatner would be proud and would say, "Now you're negotiating!" He'd be referring to those people lucky enough to get a romantic weekend at a four-star hotel in near Venice for 1 cent! Not surprisingly, the Crowne Plaza, 15.5 miles from Venice, received bookings for the equivalent of 1,400 room nights on the night the rate was posted on its Web site. Unfortunately the price posted was a big mistake attributed to human error at the Atlanta, Georgia, offices of Intercontinental Hotels Group, the hotel's mother company. The offer was supposed to be for a two-night stay at half price. Typically a room runs between $128 - $214. But the 1-cent rate was up only Sunday night, but that was long enough for travelers to book dates running from October through 2010. The hotel will honor the reservations and as a result, lose about $129,000! (myway.com)

Daddy's Little Girl?
It's not exactly the father-daughter relationship you hope for. In Gainesville, Florida, a 38-year-old father asked his daughter to turn off the computer. He allegedly used racist and sexist terms in his request so she fired back with some colorful language of her own. So he threw a pizza at her and hit her in the back of the neck. So she called the police and Dad was arrested on a charge of child abuse without great harm-- a third-degree felony. The man's name is being withheld to protect the identity of the victim. (Florida Today)

Women Getting Good At Birth Control
Looks like American women and those of other developed countries are getting pretty good at this birth control stuff. They're waiting significantly longer before having children compared to new moms of a generation ago. A new study from the CDC says the average age of first-time mothers in the U.S. jumped from 21.4 in 1970 to 25 in 2006, an increase of 3.6 years. By comparison, the average age at first birth in Switzerland is 29.4 and in Japan is 29.2. Researchers say average age at first birth is important because it influences the total number of children a woman might have as well as the population's size and future growth. (CBS News)

More Good News Chocolate Lovers!
More good news for chocolate lovers! Those who eat chocolate at least twice a week may be 70 percent less likely to die from heart disease than non-chocolate lovers! Dark chocolate's antioxidants called flavonoids, which prevents blood clots, does the trick, according to a study by researchers at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden. The study published in Journal of Internal Medicine found that in 1,169 patients aged from 45 to 70 and with a history of heart attack, those who eat chocolate twice a week or more were 66 percent less likely to die from cardiac disease than those who have less chocolate in their diet. Now, let's all go have a hot fudge sundae! (AHN News)

Most Tweets Are Pointless
According to a new study, here's some news that you probably already figured out for yourself if you're a fan of Twitter. It seems that a big percentage of the messages posted on the popular micro-blogging web site are pointless rather than vital information! Who knew? Pear Analytics, a San Antonio-based marketing firm, began its study based on the hypothesis that Twitter is "used predominantly for self-promotion." But of the 27 million users, only 27% of users are on regularly and in fact, only 1% of users contribute to over 35% of all traffic. And according to their survey, over 40% of all tweets are "pointless babble" -- things like "I am eating a sandwich right now." (AHN News)

3-Year-Old Biker Dude!
In New Delhi, three-year-old Azeem Khan has been granted a special motorcycle license by the Indian DMV. Azeem had to prove he could control the powerful Royal Enfield Bullet after his dad added special extensions to the controls so he could reach them. His proud father, Shantanu Khan says of his toddler, "He is much safer than most adult drivers I know." But Azeem, who turns four next month, is not allowed out on the main roads on his own. Dad says, "Of course I won't let him drive on the busy roads without me on the bike as well. I trust Azeem but I don't trust other drivers." And the pint-sized biker already has his sights set on his next set of wheels -- a Harley Davidson -- which is his dream. But then that's every guy's dream right? (Ananova)

Dumbest Bank Robber Ever
Congratulations 34-year-old Jarell Arnold of Anchorage, Alaska -- you are the dumbest bank robber of all time! Mr. Arnold was arrested after he gave a teller his account number and showed her his picture ID before allegedly robbing the bank. After checking his balance, he allegedly handed over a piece of paper with a note saying, "I have a gun. Give me all the money in your drawer." He walked out of the bank with nearly $600 but was arrested after it turned out the account number and picture ID he gave were really his! He's now in custody at the Anchorage jail and faces a federal bank robbery charge. (Anchorage Daily News)

Freedom Of Speech Doesn't Mean Presidential Death Threats!
Just in case you forgot, freedom of speech doesn't mean you can make public death threats to the president of the United States. The Secret Service is investigating a man who held a sign reading "Death to Obama" and "Death to Michelle and her two stupid kids" outside a town-hall meeting on health-care reform in western Maryland. The 51-year-old man was arrested near the entrance to Hagerstown Community College after police got calls from a number of people attending the meeting held by Sen. Ben Cardin. President Obama was not at the meeting. Police said there were no other arrests among the nearly 1,000 people, some carrying protest signs, who came to the college for the meeting or demonstrated off-campus. Dude -- okay we get it -- you don't like the president. But threatening death on those two little girls?? Come on man. (myway.com)

Thanks But No Thanks You Boob!
The New Zealand Breast Cancer Foundation has decided to politely decline a $7500 pledge from the controversial "Boobs on Bikes" parade. The annual parade is organized by porn star Steve Crow who said he would donate $5000 to the foundation if he could get 100 women to participate in next month's topless parade and would add another $2500 if 100 men also took their tops off. But the foundation said it would neither accept money from the event nor endorse it. Crow said he was shocked that the organization would refuse a donation from a "perfectly legal and valid source" and added, "What right do you, or anyone else in your organization, have to turn down funding much needed by the women of this country?" So instead he's giving the money to a United States-based organization that helps women around the world who have suffered genital mutilation. (New Zealand Herald)

Nuns To The Rescue
The police in Independence, Missouri, have a couple of nuns to thank for helping nab a gun-toting man suspected of burglarizing two homes. One of the sisters glanced out a window of the Sisters of St. Francis of the Holy Eucharist convent and spotted a suspicious man walking through a soybean field. She and another nun headed outside to see if the man was lost or hunting illegally. They saw he was carrying a shotgun, boxing gloves and other items and when they began to question him, he ran into nearby woods. So the nuns gave chase in their ankle-length habits and flip-flops. The suspect got away but the sisters later gave a description to police who found and arrested the guy. (myway.com)

Divine Lotto Intervention?
Folks in Haslett, Michigan ,are wondering if it's divine intervention or just blind luck. Whatever it is, the Covenant Life Worship Center and its 25 members are $70,000 richer after winning one of the second prizes in the Lucky 7's Michigan Lottery. The winning $10 ticket was purchased at a convenience store and lottery officials say the church will receive the full amount of the prize because it is a tax-exempt group. Pastor Marilyn Parmelee says the prize money will go toward the church building fund, setting up a missionary fund and supporting local community service projects. (Lansing State Journal)

Strange Time For a Dejà vu
In Salisbury, Massachusetts, 55-year-old William Thomson brought coffee to a police station to apologize for his rather violent arrest 12 years ago in 1997. But then, strangely enough, the next day he was once again violently arrested by the same department. Seems police had stopped him for suspected drunk driving and Thomson allegedly threatened an officer, punched a Breathalyzer machine and tried to flood his jail cell after being locked up. We can only assume he'll be back with more coffee and another apology in 2021. (Daily News of Newburyport)

Small Town Money Management!
Hey two bucks is two bucks right? In Lincoln, Nebraska, during a recent county board meeting, the council finally voted, 2-1, to reimburse Shum Darwin for his pants after quite a bit of debate and haggling. Apparently Darwin's pants went missing at the local jail after he was arrested. The funny part is that everyone agreed that Darwin should be reimbursed. The debate was over whether the pants were worth $10 or $12. (Journal Star)

Probably Not The Best Way
In Glenrock, Wyoming, Police Chief Tom Sweet admitted that two officers "probably didn't do things the best way" when they used a Taser on a 76-year-old man driving an antique tractor in a parade. State investigator Tim Hill has said the two officers contend Grose disobeyed their orders and apparently decided the best thing to do was tase the poor guy. Now the public is screaming for the officers to be fired. Witness Scott McWilliams, who was shoved by the officers said, "Those two were the most out-of-control officers I've ever seen in my life. These two guys got to go." In the meantime an investigation continues and the two taser-happy officers are on paid leave. (Casper Star-Tribune)

Stop Harassing Me and My Hot, Naked Wife!
In Gahanna, Ohio, police officer Ron Fithen's wife Beth made it to Playboy magazine and posed nude back in 2008. That little photo shoot may turn out to be a gold mine for the Fithens as Ron is now suing his own police department, its two top administrators, and the City of Gahanna, alleging they are responsible for "a humiliating and intolerable working environment." The Fithens want $3.5 million in damages, plus attorney's fees and contend that photo shoot lead to a "sham investigation" of the entire Fithen family that "did not result in a single criminal charge and caused the family extreme emotional distress and embarrassment." The suit says at one point, Deputy Police Chief Ken Bell asked Officer Fithen for a copy of the magazine his wife appeared in, as well as her autograph. (NBC News)

I Just Needed Someone To Talk To!
In Frederick, Maryland, 20-year-old Bryan Paul Blanchard told police he just needed someone to talk to. And that's why he repeatedly called 911 from pay phones. But every time police would arrive at the pay phone they would find Bryan long gone and the phone left off the hook. They finally caught him on surveillance video, arrested him and he confessed. He'll now have someone to talk to all the time -- a cell mate. He's facing a maximum sentence of three years in jail and/or a $500 fine for abusing the 911 system. Dude -- ever hear of a chat room? Or a bar? (Frederick News Post)

Jump the Shark?
We've heard of jumping the shark but this is crazy! In Haulover Beach, Florida, Michael Powers and his friends were out on their boat for a day of spear fishing and lobster diving when they received a surprise visitor. A five and a half foot bull shark jumped out of the water and right into the boat! It then proceeded to flop around violently until eventually injuring itself. Powers said, "One minute it was in the air, the next minute it was in the boat just beating everything in God's creation." It took about 30 minutes before the shark to settle down and stop breaking things. At that point Powers and his passengers got the shark out of the boat by roping it from underneath, grabbing it's fins and shoving it overboard and back into the water. (AHN News)

Have You Seen My Leg Yet?
In China, 48-year-old Song Weiguo has a most unusual reminder of his drunk driving accident. It's his own severed leg which he has preserved in formaldehyde for 20 years to warn people against the dangers of drinking and driving. Song's left leg had to be amputated after he hit a tractor while driving his motorbike after drinking heavily back in 1989. He says, "When the doctor told me my leg had to be amputated, I cried a lot. Later I pleaded with him to let me keep the severed leg. Every August, he takes the leg out of its sealed tank and invites friends and people he suspects of drink driving to come and see it. Seems to be effective. Song says, "It scares the hell out of people and none of them ever drives after drinking again." And he's claiming all the credit for the fact that there has not been a single drunk driving related accident in his home town for years. (Ananova)

What Father Could Refuse?
Former president Bill Clinton just got an interesting offer from 39-year-old Godwin Chepkurgor, a former councilor from Nairobi. He's offered Clinton 20 cows and 40 goats in exchange for the hand of his daughter Chelsea in marriage. It's apparently the second time Godwin has made the offer. He first wrote to Clinton back in 2000 but never received a reply. His second bid to marry Chelsea came during a recent visit to Kenya by her mother, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Mrs. Clinton reportedly promised to tell her daughter all about his interest which he expressed as she was addressing a public forum at the University of Nairobi. Godwin is actually already married but that's not a problem as polygamy is A-OK in Kenya. We'll let you know if the Clintons decide to take him up on his offer. (Ananova)

Separation of Church and Zoo?
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, republican mayoral candidate Anna Falling's big campaign issue is her desire to create an exhibit at the Tulsa Zoo teaching the Christian story of creation from the book of Genesis as the origin of all the animals. An attempt to get the exhibit four years ago failed but Falling is making it a centerpiece of her campaign and says, "Some may ask why this issue during a Mayoral campaign? And I say why not?" Today we are announcing that God will be glorified in this city. He shall not be shunned. Upon our election, we hereby commit to honoring Him in all ways that He has been dishonored." A Tulsa Zoo spokesperson said in a statement that the Tulsa Parks Board resolved this issue in 2005, after a very public process involving the entire community. (News On 6)

Man To Marry His Pillow!
In Nigeria, 26-year-old Okeke Ikechukwu says he just cannot get a woman because of his stuttering problem. So he's announced he will marry his pillow! He says, "Since I am a stutterer, ladies have always laughed at me whenever I try to talk to them. I have needs, and so I have taken to sleeping with my pillow in my arms ever since I was 16. I have grown to fall in love with it, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with it." He did note that unlike a real woman, the pillow would cost him little or nothing to maintain for the rest of its life and added, "I think it will make the ideal mate for me." (Daily Mail)

Twitter Opera!
It seems that opera is alive and well thanks to Twitter! None other than the Royal Opera House of London plans to perform an opera written by members of the public on Twitter. Twitterers are invited to submit online "tweets"-- messages of up to 140 characters-- to create the new libretto. The first scene of the as-yet-untitled work has already been completed and features a man who is kidnapped by a group of birds. The organizers of the event hope to get more young people interested in opera. The Twitter opera will be set to original music by composer Helen Porter along with some more familiar opera tunes and will be performed at the Royal Opera House in September. (Ananova)

Justice La Crosse Style!
The locals are calling in justice La Crosse style -- La Crosse, Washington, that is! It seems 25-year-old Sean Lee allegedly stopped by 69-year-old Larry Garrett's house and told Larry, "I need to get some gas. I'm from Seattle and my wife's having a baby in Lewiston and I'm out of gas." So Larry paid for the gas and even made Sean some food. But right after Sean finished his meal, he stole Larry's wallet and took off running. Unfortunately for Sean, Larry's cousin, Lowell Garrett, was just outside and Larry yelled, "Stop him! He's got my wallet!" So with Lowell holding Sean on the ground, Larry went and got some of those plastic ties and hog tied the young man. They then left him in the middle of the road and called police -- who arrived 20 minutes later. (KXLY News)

Snowing in the Wind?
Legendary folk icon Bob Dylan plans to release an album of Christmas songs this year, including yuletide classics like "Here Comes Santa Claus" and "O Little Town of Bethlehem." It's an interesting choice of material considering that Dylan was born Jewish but then became a Born Again Christian from 1979-1981, before switching back to Judaism. Scott Marshall, who has written a book called God and Bob Dylan said, "At first glance it may sound bizarre, but I don't think Dylan cares much about what his detractors might make of it. He's both never renounced being Jewish or renounced his experience with Jesus some three decades ago." Dylan, now aged 68, is currently touring the United States as part of his so-called "Never Ending Tour." Hey Bob -- how about "A Hard Reindeer's A-Gonna Fall," "Sleigh Lady Sleigh", "Knocking on Santa's Door" or "Let it Blow in the Wind, Let it Blow in the Wind, Let it Blow in the Wind. (Reuters)

Dr. Ruth Probably Not Welcome in Saudi Arabia
There will be no "Dr. Ruth" style sex-talk TV shows in Saudi Arabia. The government just shut down the Jeddah office of a Lebanon-based television network after it aired an interview with a Saudi man speaking openly about his sexual escapades! That is a HUGE no-no over there. Plus they arrested 32-year-old Mazen Abdul-Jawad, the man who spoke to cameras from his bedroom about how couples can spice up their sex lives. Here's the really sad part -- he may now face the death penalty! Like many Arab countries, Saudi Arabia prohibits sexually explicit content on television and in newspapers, magazines and books. Because sex is bad ya'll! Don't forget it! (Reuters)

So Much For Infinity and Beyond!
Buzz Lightyear may be heck of a cartoon super hero, but in real life -- doesn't fare so well. In Corio, Australia, 28-year-old George Humphries tried to break into and rob a residential home while wielding a Buzz Lightyear toy pistol. Unfortunately for him, that wasn't much of a match for a sawed-off-shotgun, which the home's owner was armed with-- and used to shoot Humphries in the shoulder. The police came, arrested Buzz Lightyear boy and he pleaded guilty in court. (Courier Mail)

Good Thing You Hit That Church!
Usually a cab smashing into a church is a bad thing. Not always. In Mount Vernon, New York, a cab driver told police that a passenger had tried to rob and choke him and that was the reason his cab crashed into a storefront church. Good thing he did. Inside, police found four adults and a 3-year-old girl who had been locked inside and were apparently being held prisoner. Police said it looked as if the people had been living there, because the area was covered with makeshift beds and there was a cooking area. The five people were taken to the hospital. Authorities are investigating how the people got there as well as the cab driver's account of being robbed. In the meantime the church has been boarded up. (The Journal News)

An Arresting Safety Belt!
In Eastpointe, Michigan, being a safe driver cost one purse-snatcher his freedom! 45-year-old Lawrence Neal was leading police on a car chase after allegedly snatching a purse. But when he tried to jump from the vehicle, his leg got tangled up in his seatbelt and he ended up being dragged for several hundred feet as the car was still in gear! By the time the car came to a stop on a front lawn, Neal's leg was broken and he wasn't going anywhere! But he was a safe driver. Not only did he use his seatbelt during the chase, police say he always used proper turn signals. Must have been his first car chase. (myway.com)

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Next Ghandi
Apparently the world is about to get its next Ghandi. And you'll never guess who it is. Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills! At least according to her. When interviewed by a local newspaper in Brighton, England, Ms. Mills said she identifies with India's iconic human rights leader as well as Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, because of the persecution they have all endured in their bid to tell the truth. Mills is best known for walking away with a $48 million pay out when she divorced her former Beatle husband last year. She also claims her popularity has soared in recent months. Surprising considering during her bitter divorce with Paul, Mills became a hate-figure for most people around the world who saw her as nothing more than a gold-digger! (AHN News)

World's Longest Bridal Gown?
Could the moment we've all been waiting for finally be here? Could there be a new world record for the longest bridal gown? According to 25-year-old Chinese bride Lin Rong, there is! She claims the 7,093-foot long gown she wore on her wedding day is a new record and was the idea of her new husband whose family and relatives made the dress. Took 'em three months and $5,852 bucks! A total 9,999 roses were pinned to the gown stitched with 608 crystals. The unrolling of the gown from a train and pinning of the roses took three hours to finish before the bride wore it. The current world's longest wedding gown is 5,180 feet long. But Ms. Rong has applied to the Guinness World Records folks and sent them a video to claim the new record. (AHN News)

Almost Buried a Baby Alive!
Good thing Jose Alvarenga opened his dead baby's coffin just before burial. The baby had been pronounced dead by doctors shortly after birth. During the funeral, the grieving father opened the coffin to bid an emotional farewell to the infant and found the baby was STILL BREATHING! He rushed back to the hospital with his unnamed son in his arms and nurses placed the infant in an oxygen chamber. The doctors now say the baby is stable. But what do they know? They also said he was dead! An investigation into the incredible mishap has been launched. The head of the hospital's pediatric intensive care unit suggested that a doctor may not have properly checked the infant's vital signs. (Ananova)

Fat Boy Going To Jail
25-year-old George Vera of Houston, Texas weighs an impressive 560 pounds -- and because of that, he's going to jail. Okay, he's not going to jail because he's fat -- he's going to jail because he used his excessive rolls of fat to conceal and smuggle a gun into both Houston city and county jails. Police had initially arrested Vera for selling bootlegged CDs out of the back of a sport utility vehicle and spokesman Victor Senties said Vera was searched four times-- at the scene, when he arrived at the city jail, before he was transferred to county jail and again when he arrived there. The gun only came to light when he later approached a county prison guard during a shower break and admitted having smuggled it in. The gun was not loaded. Houston Police Officers Union president Gary Blankinship said officers were trained how to search obese people explaining, "We teach officers to lift up and look under but the officer may not have arrested anyone this big before." Hmmmm -- sure sounds like a fun job, yes? (Ananova)

I Don't Want To Sound Un-Christian But...
For the second time this year, 19-year-old Justin Williams has been arrested after being found sleeping in a stolen van from the Immanuel Baptist Church in Tallahassee, Florida. The church's minister of education, Rick Stewart said, "I don't want to sound un-Christian, but that's just dumb." Stewart said the same office window at the church was broken in both instances and that Justin knew where the keys were located because he was a part-time janitor at the church several years ago, though he isn't a church member. Stewart added, "It's just really sort of bizarre. I think we ought to pray for him." Yeah, that -- and find a new hiding place for your van keys! (Tampa Bay Tribune)

Where's the Justice?
This will make you sick. In Paris, Texas, an 18-year-old, severely mentally challenged man was recently sentenced to 100 years in prison for a single act of what really amounted to the childhood sex game of "playing doctor" with a 6-year-old neighbor. The man has an IQ of 47 -- which basically means he's operating at around a 7-year-old level, and there was no coercion or violence involved. Unfortunately, the jury was not given the option to send the man to a care facility in lieu of prison. In fact, his original lawyer was so lame he didn't bother to argue his client's incompetency as a defense because, he said, he thought the man obviously would get probation. But the icing on the cake comes from Lamar County judge Eric Clifford who had the option to punish the man on just one count with four other counts running concurrently. But no! Judge Clifford instead chose to stack the five counts for a total 100 years. Weeks later he listened to a parade of witnesses who begged him to reconsider the sentence, but he refused! (Dallas Morning News)

It's All About the Shoes Baby!
Lawyers will just argue anything won't they? In Palm Beach County, Florida, defense lawyer Michael Robb objected to a courtroom motion to force him to get rid of his well-worn Cole Haan loafers and go buy a new pair. The motion was brought by the plaintiff's lawyer, Bill Bone, who actually complained that he feared jurors would see the holes in the bottoms of Robb's shoes and therefore become unfairly sympathetic to Robb's clients. The motion was denied. Robb later said later that he has a renewed enthusiasm for his shoes. (Palm Beach Post)

Drink That Swine Flu Away!
A lot of Russian soccer fans will be heading to Wales for next month's World Cup qualifying soccer matches. And the Russian government is telling those fans -- to drink whisky -- to ward of the H1N1 swine flu virus! Russia's Health Ministry has issued a public warning against traveling to Britain because of the spread of the H1N1 virus but several hundred fans are expected to go anyway to the September 9th qualifier in Cardiff. So they've issued a statement saying, "We urge our fans to drink a lot of Welsh whisky as a form of disinfection. That should cure all symptoms of the disease." Well, you don't have to ask me twice comrade!

Idiots Rule!
How big of an idiot can you be motorist Zackary Johnson? Our man Zack was arrested in Athens, Georgia, after he pulled over a passing police car to ask the officer whether he had any warrants outstanding against him. After a quick computer check the answer was no -- about the warrants that is -- but he did notice that Zack's driver's license was under suspension -- so he was arrested for driving with a suspended license! (Athens Banner-Herald)

Camels Are Food Now!
Due to an explosion of Australia's camel population, our hump-backed furry friends have now been declared food! Both members of the meat industry and environmentalists are together on this one and are promoting camel meat as a great food source to combat the over-population problem. Slaughter house owner Garry Dann has added camel meat to his production line and says, "I know blokes who all their lives have meat for breakfast, lunch and tea, and they wouldn't know the difference between camel meat and beef!" Yes, I'd like a double-hump with cheese please! (ABC News)

Beware of Attack Cat 'Killer' Kitty Stops Mail
Postal service officials have stopped deliveries to a household, charging that the family's kitten "attacked" a letter carrier. Ken Ridge, 65, and his son Bradley, 30, think that the postal worker's making a monster out of their mouse, named Illy. "Illy is only a kitten and I'm sure she was just playing," says Ken. "It seems some letters were put through the mail slot and the carrier's hand was scratched. "Then we got this letter from the post office warning our playful kitten has been mistaken for some savage beast." But postal officials in London, England, have dug in their claws, insisting that the carrier was seriously slashed and required medical care. They wrote: "Animal attacks are a major cause of injury to our staff." (National Examiner)

Bubbles the Chimp To Write His MJ Memoirs!
It almost sounds like a fake headline, but it's not. Bubbles the chimp, Michael Jackson's one-time pet protege, is set to release a tell-all memoir about his time with the late music icon. Okay -- the book will be a spoof, with publisher John Blake behind the computer. "Bubbles: My Secret Diary, From Swaziland to Neverland" will detail how he escaped from an awful childhood in a research facility when he was adopted by a "struggling young singer." The book will chronicle his career, which included his $2,000-a-day banana addiction, depression, romantic relationships, and his rivalry with "Tarzan" star Cheeta. Bubbles, who lived with Jackson for several years, was said to have become overly aggressive and was relocated to the Center for Great Apes in Florida. Sadly, he was not invited to Jackson's funeral last month. (AHN News)

It's Darn Hard To Win This Award!
It ain't easy to win the nation's Outstanding Oldest Worker award. First of all you have to be at least 100 -- and you have to still be working! But at 101, Jack Borden of Weatherford, Texas, fits the bill and has just been named the "Outstanding Oldest Worker of 2009!" And this you'll find interesting. He's been chewing tobacco for 91 of his last 101 years. He says, "I've been hearing for 91 years that it's going to kill me ! But when you're old, you have to have something to give you pleasure." So what does Jack do for a living? Believe it or not he's still a practicing attorney. The award is bestowed by Experience Works, a nonprofit group dedicated to highlighting the workforce contributions of seniors. When asked why he continues to work after all these years, Jack says, "I believe that God has something for us to do, and he wants me to work to do some good. If I quit, I'll die. I know people who retire and two years later, they're gone." (Dallas Morning News)

Worker Suspended For Not Saying Hello To Mayor!
This makes you wonder if we're still living in America but in Deerfield Beach, Florida, city worker Cassandra Moye was to be suspended from work for failing to say hello to Mayor Peggy Noland. Moye is a maintenance worker and in a memo to her, supervisor George Edmunds wrote, "On Monday, August 3, 2009, at approximately 9:00 AM at the North Pavilion the disrespectful attitude you displayed to the Mayor was unacceptable. The mayor indicated that this was not the first time that you had not acknowledged her when you came into contact. This type of behavior will not be tolerated and is detrimental to the department. Your actions have caused irrevocable damage to the welfare of the department and your fellow workers." What? And amazingly, just two years ago the city gave Moye a certificate of recognition for rescuing an elderly woman from a burning car at an apartment complex. Of course when the word got out there was so much public outcry that the city suddenly decided not to suspend Ms. Moye and in a new memo, Edmunds clarified that Mayor Noland didn't request the punishment and that he's reducing the punishment to a written reprimand. Translation: Noland quickly came to the conclusion that if she went through with this Nazi-type nonsense, she could kiss any hope of re-election goodbye! (New Times)

Missed It By That Much!
Oh it was the tiniest mistake -- only half the thickness of a dime -- but it could end up costing the Port of Seattle over $1 million bucks! It seems that a contractor at the port's Terminal 30 dug a trench for an electrical cable that was 0.02 of an inch too narrow. So the cable wouldn't fit and a new cable for the terminal's giant cargo cranes had to be ordered for about $200,000. And as a result, one of the port's tenants, SSA Marine, was forced to stay two month's longer than planned. As a result, they lost about $1 million in rent revenue it now can't collect! (The Seattle Times)

Dude Arrested For Barking at Police Dog!
In Three Rivers, Michigan, police arrested a 26-year-old man for tormenting a police dog in a police car by continuously barking at it. Officers say the animal then became overly excited and "very aggressive." So our dog-barking friend now faces charges of disorderly conduct. Why not just lock him in the car with the dog for an hour or so. If he lives, he goes free! (WLKM News)

Save the Rainforests: Pee in the Shower!
The Brazilian environmental group SOS Mata Atlantica has launched a most unusual campaign of TV ads to encourage people to help save the rainforests. What makes it weird is what they're asking folks to do -- pee in the shower! No kidding! They say if a household avoids one flush a day, it can save up to 1,157 gallons of water annually. The ads are running on several TV stations and SOS spokeswoman Adriana Kfouri says they are "a way to be playful about a serious subject." The bizarre ad features cartoon drawings of people from all walks of life-- a trapeze artist, a basketball player, even an alien -- peeing in the shower. Narrated by children's voices, the ad ends with: "Pee in the shower! Save the Atlantic rainforest!" Like you really needed an excuse anyway! (Sky News)

Mona Lisa Latte?
A group of coffee lovers in Australia have recreated Leonardo Da Vinci's famous Mona Lisa out of 3,604 cups of coffee and 564 pints of milk. The different colors needed were created by adding no, little or lots of milk to each cup of black coffee. It took a team of eight people three hours to complete the 20ft by 13ft artwork for The Rocks Aroma Festival in Sydney. Elaine Kelly, from the Sydney Harbour Foreshore Authority which organized the one-day coffee-lovers event said, "The Mona Lisa has been reproduced so many times in so many different mediums but, as far as we know, never out of coffee. The result was fantastic." (Ananova)

Whatever Happened to Lost Dog Flyers?
In Bristol, England, Jonathan Baltesz and his family were desperate to find their 10-year-old black Labrador mix, Simon, who had run away. But rather than posting the usual "Lost Dog" flyers, they came up with a different idea. Jonathan, his wife and kids all urinated into plastic containers and then proceeded to sprinkle the contents at various locations all around their town. The hope was that Simon would detect the scent and follow the trail of urine back home. Unfortunately, so far Simon hasn't returned and we're not sure exactly how the British police feel about this. (Bristol Evening Post)

Toughest Job in the World!
So you think your job is tough? Farah Ahmed Omar of Somalia has got you beat. He was recently named chief of Somalia's navy, which ordinarily would be on the front lines against the throng of pirates operating off the country's coastlines. But what make's Mr. Omar's job so tough is the fact that the Somalian navy is a little short on supplies. They don't have a single boat, nor a single sailor for that matter. And Mr. Omar himself has not been to sea in 23 years. Yet, always the consummate spin doctor, he told reporters he was very optimistic that the piracy could be stopped. (BBC News)

A Man Who Needs Beer
In Belleville, Illinois, Dennis Cretton wasn't about to let a little thing like having a revoked driver's license due to a previous drunk driving conviction keep him from getting the beer he needed. The 49-year-old made a beer run anyway-- to a nearby gas station -- on his yellow riding lawnmower. Unfortunately he was drunk at the time and once again was charged with felony aggravated driving under the influence after neighbors reported he was weaving in and out of traffic on his lawnmower. When deputies tried to stop him, Bretton drove the mower into his home's front yard, with his 12-pack of Milwaukee's Best spilling onto the ground along the way. (Belleville News-Democrat)

Kurt Cobain Memorial Causes Controversy
It's been over 15 years since grunge rock icon Kurt Cobain killed himself, and he's still causing controversy today. A new memorial to Cobain in his hometown of Aberdeen, Washington, has some community members in an uproar. It's a polished granite stone laid into the ground at the KC Riverfront Park which features many quotes from Cobain, including one that reads, "Drugs are bad for you. They will f-- you up." But the F-bomb is clearly spelled out and Aberdeen City Councilman Jerry Mills says, "That is a word that should be done away with. We paint over it every time it's on graffiti. It's inappropriate." The park is also receiving criticism for not going through the proper channels regarding a planned statue for Cobain alongside the bridge. Aberdeen Mayor Bill Simpson says the city's Parks Board will ultimately decide on the fate of the F word in the granite stone. I wonder if there's a quote that reads "Courtney Love is bad for you. She will f*ck you up!"?

Can't Get Work -- Sue Your College!
In New York City, 27-year-old Trina Thompson is more than a little frustrated that she can't find a job after getting her bachelor's degree in information technology from Monroe College. So she's suing the school -- for her $70,000 in tuition back! She says the Bronx school's Office of Career Advancement hasn't provided her with the leads and career advice it promised. Monroe College spokesman Gary Axelbank says Thompson's lawsuit is completely without merit and insists the college does help its graduates find jobs. (New York Post)

McDonald's Will Never Be the Same!
McDonald's will never be the same. At least not the McDonald's in North Muskegon, Michigan, where Marlene Wickerink and Janet Chapman decided to retire. Their leaving means more than four decades of experience walks out the door with them. While typically McDonald's employees are short term, Wickerink, now 72, joined the team in 1989 after raising two daughters. Chapman, age 65, started there in 1988. Franchise owner Mark Dahlke said, "These two people have been great examples to other crew, showing such great commitments to the customers and having such great work ethics." Chapman said, "I love working for McDonald's. They are good people. I was very shy before working here. This place brought me out." While they'll be missed, there are seven other workers at Dahlke's two area McDonald's locations who are approaching 20 years of service. He says, "We have had extremely low turnover rates. I credit that to running a Christian, family business." (The Muskegon Chronicle)

Two-Year-Old Tennis Star!
Look out Roger Federer -- you've got competition coming -- and he's just a toddler! Little Jonah Ziff of Leicestershire, England, is already being looked at as a future Wimbledon champion after learning to play tennis at the age of two. He's already mastered forehands, backhands and the over-arm serve even though he's still in diapers! He takes lessons four times a week and has beaten players four years older than him. His dad, Jonathan says, "I'm told Jonah is some kind of wonder kid, which is pretty amazing. He just picked up a racket that was lying around and he started whacking a ball against a wall one day." Coach Henry Newball says, "Jonah is obsessed with tennis, which is very unusual for a child his age. He just has natural ability." (Ananova)

My Kid Is Way Smarter Than Your Kid!
In Hampshire, England, Harry Chapple is only four-years-old, but he's already been invited to join Mensa! Harry has already demonstrated an IQ of 144. You've got to have at least 130 to join Mensa. Harry could recite the alphabet backwards by the age of two and already excels at math and memory games. Child psychologist George Crowther, who ran a series of IQ tests on Harry says, "Harry is an exceptional young boy and his ability is very rare. Only 0.1 per cent of people have an IQ over 140." (Ananova)

Just Call Me "Flag Man!"
In India, 67-year-old Guinness Rishi has his sights set on the Guinness World Record Book! And he plans to get there by covering his body with tattoos of every flag in the world. That's 220 flags in all which Rishi says will cover his entire body -- including his private parts! He already sports the six flags of the UK, Canada, India, USA, Cyprus, and the Indian Congress Party on his face. He says, "In the first phase, I believe that I can put 60 tattoos on my head and then we will start working on my body." Rishi, who changed his first name to Guinness in honor of the famous record book, said he is determined to set a new world record even if it means upsetting his wife. He added, "My wife thinks that I'm a crazy guy. She has told me she won't go out in public with me if I go through with this." (Ananova)

Change My Faith!
Because religious competition in the Middle East isn't already exciting enough, television station Kanal T in Istanbul, Turkey, is going ahead with plans for a reality game show this fall in which 10 certified atheists will try to resist persuasion by a priest, a rabbi, a Muslim imam and a Buddhist monk. The exact rules have not been disclosed, but the religious leader who wins by achieving a successful conversion wins an all-expense-paid trip to the holy land of their choice-- the Vatican, Jerusalem, Mecca or Tibet. Not surprisingly, Turkey's Islamic Religious Affairs Directorate has vowed never to co-operate. (Reuters)

Mayor Shuts Down 50 Cent Card Games at Old Folks Home!
Are you kidding me Mayor Joe Saraceni of Baldwinsville, New York? The good mayor has seen fit to shut down the 50-cent card games being played by seniors at the Canton Woods Senior Center! Now he admits that gambling in itself isn't a crime as long as the stakes are low and no one is skimming money off the top. But he went on to say, "It clearly states in Canton Woods policy that gambling isn't a permissible activity. We received a complaint that gambling was going on." Pinochle players, who met once a week, were betting $1 each that ultimately was divided among the winners. Bridge and pitch players would play for 50 cents. Bingo players, who met up to three times a week, were paying a dime for a card. Needless to say the players are upset including James Clark who said, "I just don't understand why this is an issue. It's really ridiculous." Couldn't agree with you more Mr. Clark. Why don't you get all your card-playing buddies together to use that new found free time to do everything in your power to keep Mayor Saraceni from getting re-elected. And be sure to let him know that's what you're doing. Betcha 50-cents he'll change his mind. (Syracuse.com)

People Paying To Get Into Jail?
Most people facing jail try everything they can to scrape up enough money to get out. But in Hillsboro, Missouri, 66 otherwise law abiding citizens paid good money to get into jail -- and spend the night. It was actually quite a creative fund raiser held by the Sherriff's department to christen a newly renovated wing of the county jail. Couples paid $90 and individuals $50 and ranged in age from 18 to 82! Don West of Raleigh, N.C. paid his $50 plus round trip air fare for what he called, "A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He added, "If I went to jail for real, I'd probably get fired." 66-year-old Joyce Riebel said the opportunity to spend a night in jail was on her "bucket list." Joe and Pam Danklef spent the night in jail to celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary. The next morning, breakfast was served at 7 a.m. Unlike real jail, freedom followed at 7:30. (St. Louis Today)

Bank Teller Stops Bank Robber -- Gets Fired!
In Queen Anne, Washington, Jim Nicholson worked as a teller at the Key Bank for two years. We say worked -- because he just got fired -- for stopping a bank robber! It seems the bank has a strict policy of just turning over the cash in these situations. But Jim says his instincts kicked in and instead, threw the bag of cash to the floor, lunged toward the robber and demanded to see a weapon. Surprised, the would-be bank robber backed up and then bolted for the door, with Jim on his heels. Jim then chased the guy for several blocks before knocking him to the ground with the help of a passer-by. They then held him until police arrived. Two days later, Jim was fired! Bank tellers are trained to get robbers out the door as quickly as possible and are advised against being a hero over money that's federally insured. Anne Foster, spokeswoman for Key Bank, declined to comment on Nicholson and his actions. Seattle police and the FBI advise against tellers taking action against robbers. The would-be robber, a 29-year-old transient, has a lengthy criminal history, including convictions for theft and robbery, according to court records. Jim did say he was advised by one police officer to apply to become a cop. (Seattle Times

Look Out Pennsylvania: The Naked Burglar is Loose!
Police in Abington, Pennsylvania, are looking for the "Naked Burglar!" Two area homes have been burglarized by a naked man who stole a woman's clothes after exposing himself to her. The man was caught on a surveillance camera breaking into an apartment. He was wearing a dark colored shorts and a white sleeveless tank top t-shirt when he entered the building but came out naked. He then fled and burglarized another home nearby. He is described to be in his 30s or 40s, stands 5-8 to 5-10 tall, is thin to medium built and has a dark hair with a thinning top. Oh come on! You can give us a better description than that! We know you can! (AHN News)

Think Twice Before Downloading Music!
Better think twice illegal music downloaders! In New York City, a judge has ordered 25-year-old grad student Joel Tenenbaum to pay a total of $675,000 after he was found guilty of illegally downloading 30 songs from a shared music Web site. Joel pleaded guilty to the charges of downloading and distributing the songs and he'll be paying $22,500 per song to four record labels for willfully infringing on the copyright of the songs by bands, including Green Day, Incubus, Nirvana and Aerosmith. Before you go thinking they were excessively tough on him, you might want to know that the U.S. District Court jury could have ordered him to pay a maximum of $4.5 million in the case. Of course the RIAA, Recording Industry Association of America, issued a statement saying, "We are grateful for the jury's service and their recognition of the impact of illegal downloading on the music community." It is only the second such case to go to trial in the U.S. In July, a woman in Minneapolis was ordered to pay $1.92 million-- $80,000 per song for copyright infringement for sharing 24 songs. (AHN News)

New Bikini World Record Just Missed!
Organizers in Essex, England, had set out to bust the world record for the largest number of women being photographed at once while wearing bikinis. They needed 1,924 participants to beat the current record of 1,923. So the word got out for ladies in their bikinis to meet at the beach at Southend-on-Sea. Sadly they didn't quite make it. Only 42 women showed up. They blamed the weather which had been forecast to be bad, but actually turned out sunny. Yeah, right. So the existing world record-- set in Russia last year by the way-- still stands. (Ananova)

Texting and Talking and Driving Don't Mix!
In Lockport, New York, police say 25-year-old tow truck driver Nicholas Sparks was texting on one cell phone while talking on another -- all while he was driving. Which is probably why he slammed into another car and crashed into a swimming pool. The 68-year-old woman driving the car he hit suffered head injuries but was in good condition. Her 8-year-old niece suffered minor injuries. Mr. Sparks now will face charges of reckless driving, talking on a cell phone and following too closely. (myway.com)

Banned in Bama!
What may be banned in Alabama is a money maker in California. The Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board recently banned the sale of wine because the label on their bottles features a nude female with a flying bicycle which unfortunately violates Alabama's rules against displaying "a person posed in an immoral or sensuous manner." But Bill Leigon, president of Hahn Family Wines in Soledad, California, who make the wine, sees this as nothing but a huge marketing opportunity. He says hits on the company's Web site have increased tenfold since news of the ban broke late last week, and callers from across the country have been asking where they can buy the wine. So they've developed a new store display for the wine which reads: "Banned in Bama" and "Taste What They Can't Have in Alabama." Hahn said he will never miss the 500 cases sold annually in Alabama and predicted, "There is going to be a significant increase in our sales elsewhere." (Hahn Family Wines)

Go Directly To Jail and Do Not Pass Go!
In Fraser, Michigan, a 54-year-old Monopoly player may be going directly to jail and not passing Go for real. Our suspect was playing the classic board game with a female friend and tried to buy Boardwalk and Park Place from her. But when she refused, our guy allegedly went crazy and hit her in the head, breaking her glasses. She called police and he was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault and battery. (myway.com)

Dancing Saudi Bankers -- Not So Good!
While the world continues to love the video of the Minnesota couple who danced down the aisle at their wedding, a new video of dancing Saudi bankers is not being so well received. Some might call it "The Saudi Boogie." It's a short video of Saudi bank officials parading in circles, whirling their arms and shaking their backsides to loud khaleeji music at a celebration at an expensive hotel in the capital Riyadh. The video, of mostly dancing young men from Saudi British Bank, an affiliate of HSBC, has upset two seemingly disparate sectors of Saudi society-- Wahabi Islamists and liberal minded critics-- united only in their indignation over the affront by the evil Western influence they feel the video represents. One Islamic blogger writes, "Satan is sitting among them! They're committing one of the worst crimes, every day and every minute!" On the other hand, Silvio Saadi, a Saudi businessman and CEO said, "The banks in Saudi are bastards. It's the only country in the world that doesn't give interest on deposit accounts." (AHN News)

Tiger Loose in Vegas
They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas -- unless you're a tiger that is. Then it's big news. A tiger used in the Fernando Brothers Magic Act on the Vegas strip did a disappearing act of its own after it escaped from its pen and began roaming the streets of Las Vegas. Fortunately it was found quickly, hanging out in a residential front yard, and captured without incident. Las Vegas police confirmed that no-one had been hurt during the tiger's brief escapade and that no charges would be filed. However, animal control officers will be working with the tiger's owners to ensure that he didn't sneak out for any more evening strolls. (Ananova)

Pope Benedict -- Number One on the Charts?
You might find an unlikely artist sitting on top of the Christmas CD charts this year-- Pope Benedict XVI! The Pope actually just signed a record deal with Universal Records and is set to release a CD of him singing litanies and reciting biblical passages and prayers. The album is to be released in November on the Geffen label, whose previous acts have included John Lennon, Nirvana and Snoop Dogg. Pope Benedict was recorded in St Peter's Basilica, with the accompaniment of the Choir of the Philharmonic Academy of Rome. Music by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra will also be added. Some of the profits from the album will go to a global charity that provides musical education for underprivileged children. (Ananova)